Fucking Christ. I gotta spell everything out for you don't I?
Because I'm getting the horrible feeling that I've been doing the wrong fucking thing for too fucking long.
I mean, I hated Ethan. Hell, he probably hates me. But why do I feel so fucking turned on when I'm around him? Why was my cock so hard as I jerked him off? Why do I still jerk off to thinking about that? Right about the same time I'm jerking it to Julianna. And then when I think about both, Lord help me.
I mean, I used to hate Ethan. I know I was wrong about that.
What else was I wrong about?
The way I treated women?
The way I thought the world was against me?
Did my family really never care about me or was I just so under pressure to win that I began to think these things?
Let's be real though. My thinking and even changing my fucking demeanor isn't going to do a whole lot.
Our games fucking suck. Our morale is shot to hell.
Between the video of the hand job surfacing and then the skybox, the team’s lost all confidence in me.
They don’t understand that not seeing Julianna or Ethan in so fucking long has made me realize something.
I fucking love them both.
Julianna can talk back to me and owns herself and her sexuality. Ethan is my counterweight.
Without them, I’m fucking nothing.
And neither are the Nailers. Seriously.
After the bye, we lost the next game against the Los Angeles Lickers. Only this last Monday did we squeak out a 17-16 win against the Pittsburgh Pimps.
Ethan still fucking hates me. Actually, I take it back. At least before he would talk to me. Now he doesn’t even acknowledge me. At least before he would take the time to tell me to shut the fuck up or try to put me in my place when I was being an ass. Now, it's like he's shut me out of his world completely.
I don't know how to reach Julianna. It's not like there has been much fraternizing between team owners and players in the past. And I don’t how to reach her if she’s not responding to my texts. I can't really go ask Coach Karl to set me up on a date with the owner. He'd smack me up side the fucking head with his clipboard.
The team was willing to forgive my locker room incident with Ethan. But this has them completely stunned. Because I apologized to them and then another tape showed up. Everyone on the team is walking on fucking eggshells.
Add to all this, the media has really been crushing our nuts lately. They've been hitting the Nailers hard. And they've gotten a special boner for screwing Ethan, me, and Julianna up the ass.
It's not a day that goes by without some girl from Ole Miss coming out and talking about how I fucked her at a Delta Sigma Rho party.
If I were an outsider, I'd actually be pretty entertained.
I mean, who knew Ethan fucked his math professor his junior year. Well, she just sold her fucking story to the News of the Times. Claims he banged the living shit out of her at least three or four times. Not for any grades or anything, mind you - just because.
Julianna - man, she's in a world of hurt herself. One of the dudes that used to drive her limo just did a tell all for the Enquirer. Talks about how she would come out of the club, pick up a guy, fuck him, and drop him off on the next street.
Wait a second.
Does that fucking remind you of someone?
No. I'm serious. I never really thought much about it before.
I sure as hell never made the connection either.
Fucking hell.