"Leave my father out of this!" I say, slamming my coffee mug down onto my desk. There is no way that I want to hear him rip open the past this morning and I am growing impatient with his presence. It is too early to rip open old wounds.
"I know you are surrounded by a media circus right now," he says, trying to soften the situation.
"That's putting it mildly," I scoff.
"And I wanted to say that I know what it's like to have to make difficult decisions." He looks at me with his gentle blue eyes. It is clear he came here to my office today to make peace.
"What do you know about making difficult choices?"
"Many years ago, I had a choice to make. Either I keep your father on as coach, or—" he said, and I grimaced, but allowed him to continue. "Or replace him."
"Yes, well. Shit happens I guess."
"No, that's not what I am trying to say right now. I'm saying that I replaced your father out of ambition. I was blinded by the urge to win—the rings, the accolades, a higher salary—and I lost focus on what was important."
I look at him, and I realize that this is the most conversation I have ever allowed myself to engage in with Karl.
"I was wrong, Julianna. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret that decision. I never should have replaced your father. Never. It haunts me."
"Well, this goes beyond choosing a player to keep or replace on this team." I look at Karl to try and see if he understands where I am coming from. He continues to sit in the chair, patient and humble, so I continue. "I'm guessing I don't need to repeat the things being said about me in the media—in regards to Colt Stackford and Ethan Blake?"
He shakes his head. "No, I've heard and seen it all."
"I know I have made a lot of unconventional choices in my life. That much is clear. I take ownership over that, and people can make whatever judgment calls they'd like about me. But I take my career seriously. In fact, I put my career above all else, and—"
"Yes, I don't doubt your loyalty to this franchise."
"Well, on the flipside, I've never been settled in my personal life. I've had a lot of fun, but I'm now thinking that maybe I need to make a change."
"How so?"
"This is difficult for me to say. I'm treading into new territory here, but I am finding myself in love. And fuck I'm so confused. I don't know how it has happened, but I am in love with both men. Every time I try to picture myself with one and not the other, it doesn't feel right. But for the sake of the team, I know I have to choose, no matter how difficult it may be."
"I don't want you to live with the guilt of a bad decision," Karl says. "It's like waking up from a nightmare, only to realize that the nightmare is your life. You are a great person. You're a terrific franchise owner and businesswoman. If your father were here right now, he'd be proud."
That statement makes tears well up in my eyes. I look up at the ceiling so that they do not spill down my cheeks. I press under my eyes with the tips of my fingers.
"Listen to me, Julianna. No matter what you do, follow your heart. Teams win and lose. Money is made and lost. But the right people can last you a lifetime." Karl's gaze is so intense that I feel as if he is boring a hole straight through my chest. I know he is right, and his sincerity is palpable.
"I know, but it's tough to hear what my heart has to say sometimes. Sometimes it just defies logic, you know?"
"I'll say it again because it's worth repeating: follow your heart and surround yourself with the right people."
"Even when the right people are two men who you are both very much in love with?" I interject.
"It's like the story of the crab bucket. When you throw a crab into a bucket with other crabs, it's never able to climb back out—not because the bucket is too deep, or too slippery. No, it's never able to climb out because it gets tangled up with the other crabs—their claws and pinchers holding each other back. The same lesson works with people. The wrong people drag you down. The right people help you soar. If I can convince you to follow your heart and to not make the same mistakes I have in my life, it would make me rest easy—like atoning for my sins."
I watch as a single tear slips from his eye. He quickly brushes it away, and for the first time all week, I feel a sense of clarity. I look at my watch. It is now almost noon. Shit.
I look at Karl. He smiles at me and all of a sudden I no longer see a man I need to seek revenge on to vindicate my dad. I see a mentor that despite all the disrespect I’ve shown him thinking I’ve been a strong woman, is still supporting me and helping me.
I smile at Karl and take a step over to hug him. He hugs me back. We stay for a long moment, until I pull back and look at him.
“Karl,” I say, for the first time in my life not sure of my words. “I’m so sorry. For everything. The way I behaved…”
He doesn’t let me finish. Instead, he smiles at me.
“You don’t need to apologize, Julianna,” he says and I feel embarrassed all of a sudden at how big he is. “Not for anything I don’t kick my own stupid ass over.”