That’s what this has been, alright. A really long, rocky journey. Unfortunately, my final destination is far from where I thought the road would lead.
But I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again.
I would. Every fucking second of it.
I learned so much about life and love with Evan. About myself. Things I never knew.
So that’s all part of it. And Evan will always be a part of me, even if we aren’t together.
But now, I have to figure out what’s next for me. Where I’ll go from here.
And try to deal with the fact that it’s going to be really fucking painful without him.
I remember the look on his face as I walk slowly toward my gate. When I told him I couldn’t keep doing this.
“So that’s it then?” he asked.
I nodded, tears falling freely.
“Em, come on. Don’t do this. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“Doesn’t it?” I asked, hope swelling in my chest even as I knew it very much did.
“We have a good thing here. A fucking great thing. Why does that have to change?”
I shook my head sadly. He just didn’t get it.
I changed. He changed me. Made me want more out of life than I realized was possible.
Yet he wasn’t willing to give it to me.
I’m smart enough to know that I can’t waste my life on a guy that may or may not ever be where I’m at.
So that leaves me here. Escaping to another hemisphere. And leaving my heart in New York City.
Two
Evan
“Come on, you motherfucker, get out of the fucking way,” I practically growl as I jump out of the cab and try to field my way through the crowded streets outside St. Patrick’s Cathedral.
“Yo, buddy!” the cabbie yells through his rolled-down window. “You have to fucking pay.”
I push back over and pull three bills out of my wallet and shove them at him. “Just wait here, okay? I’ll be two minutes.”
His eyebrows fly up to his hairline. “Whatever ya say, buddy.”
Jesus Christ, it’s like this dude is straight out of every movie ever featuring a New York cab driver. But I don’t have the time or the fucking energy to laugh.
I’m on a mission.
I race through the front doors and look around for my friend Charles, one of the priests here at St. Pat’s. I called and told him earlier I needed him for something urgent. A matter of the soul.
Yeah, I’ll probably burn for that one, but right now, there’s only one thing that will save my soul.
Emilia.
And I’m almost out of fucking time.