"What is?"
"To confess your sins…" he smiles, and then he can’t resist adding a few words more. "And to make some more."
Clarise
Squeezing myself inside my clothes again, I run one hand through my hair and sit in one of the pews. I lean back against it and sigh heavily, my heart still hammering against my chest.
I close my eyes for a second, and then I remember the reason I came after Connor in the first place. Earl, remember? I know, I know… I was in such a hurry to talk with Connor about my impromptu meeting with Earl, but what can I say? I simply couldn’t resist teasing him the moment I saw him kneeling inside the confessionary.
"Come here, we need to talk about something…" I say, patting the spot next to me. He smiles softly as he buttons up his shirt, and then he sits down on the pew by my side.
"What is it, Clarise? I hope you don’t have anything else to confess," he chuckles, and I can’t help but chuckle as well; there’s no regret in his voice this time, and that kinda makes me feel better. As fun as it is to make him cross a line, I sure as hell don’t like making him miserable because of it.
"No, nothing to confess," I start. "But Earl’s up to something… He met me in the library and there was something about the way he talked. I don’t know what it is, Connor, but he’s up to something. And it isn’t good," I tell him, now capable of talking business. It’s as if I needed to have his body first before I could articulate a sentence that would make any sense.
"I know he is," he tells me flatly, his gaze wandering out to the altar. He remains deep in thought for a long while, and I have to be the one to cut through the silence.
"I’m worried … I don’t know what Earl might do if he gets control of the company. He doesn’t really care about the family. All he cares about is power and control … and once he has that?
??"
"I know, Clarise…" he whispers, and then he places his hand on top of mine, gently squeezing it. "But I don’t want you to worry. I’ll keep Jonathan on the right path, and I won’t let Earl wrestle the company away from him … or from the family."
"Please, don’t underestimate him … I mean it. He’s dangerous, and if he sees you as an obstacle, he knows no limitations."
"I know, I won’t underestimate him. I’ll keep my eyes open," he tells me softly, and something in his tone of voice eases my mind.
"Thank you," I whisper back at him and, before I think of what I’m doing, I open my arms and wrap them around his body, pulling him into me and hugging him tightly. Somehow, his closeness makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt.
"You don’t have to thank me," he breathes out, running one hand through my hair as he holds me close. "There’s nothing that I want more than to protect you…"
I look into his eyes, stunned at his words. For a man who was so adamant about running away from me, this is quite a change.
"I know what you’re thinking," he says, offering me one weak smile. "But I guess I wasn’t really running away from you … I was running away from the truth."
"What truth…?"
"I want you, Clarise. Ever since I returned to the States, you’ve been the only thing brightening up my day. I didn’t mean to break my vows, but… sometimes a man has to follow his heart. That’s the truth."
"I’m glad you’re here," I tell him softly, not knowing what else to say. I still have my arms wrapped around him, and I close my eyes and lay my head against his chest. I stay there, in his embrace, for God knows how long. I feel his heartbeat, soft and steady, and I realize that all the lust and desire I feel toward Connor is growing into something else. Something powerful… Something over which I’ll have no control soon enough.
And you know what? It feels right.
"I should go…" I force myself to say, my heart weighed down by sorrow. "My parents will be home soon, and I guess it’s better I’m inside the house when they arrive…"
"I’ll walk you there," he tells me in a single breath, standing up and pulling me after him. We walk down the aisle in silence and, only when he reaches for the door and opens it, do I realize I'm holding hands with him. My transformation into sappy teenager is almost complete, I guess.
He only lets go of my hand when we step out of the chapel and, even though we walk up the road in silence, I feel closer to him than ever. More than just the sex, something happened inside the chapel… I broke through his defenses and I think that, somehow, I’ve showed him that he doesn’t need to be as stern and disciplined as his father to make him proud.
As good to me as Edward was, he was a true stoic. He seemed unphased by most things in life, and he followed what looked like a Spartan regimen. I don’t think that Connor knows it but, after the first few months with us, Edward changed his quarters without telling anyone; instead of sleeping in the guest house, he started sleeping in the smallest and coldest room we had available in the servants’ quarters.
Of course, I can’t say for sure what was going on inside Edward’s mind. In a way, though, I believe that it had to do with the death of his wife. The moment she passed away, something broke inside of him, and he denied himself the happiness he deserved.
I don’t want Connor to follow down that road.
"Well, we’re here," he says, and I realize that we’re already in front of the stairway leading up to the mansion.
"We’re here," I smile, and then look from side to side. Certain that there’s no one around, I go on tip-toes and brush my lips against his.