Envy (Criminal Sins 1)

“I can’t do this...” I whisper, more to myself than to anyone else, but also just loud enough for Angel to hear.

My love’s voice sharpens back into focus and I’m snapped back to reality. The jungle fire has reached us. The terrace is on fire; the sky is black with smoke. My baby is in danger.

I caress my stomach and take a deep breath, turning to Angel, to the man I’ve fallen for. “You need to leave.”

My heart lurches at his reaction. The fire in his eyes suddenly freezes over; he clearly wasn’t expecting me to say that... but my Angel is no quitter. The flames quickly come back to his gaze, brighter than ever, melting the frigid fallout of my words.

“Never!” he growls. He shakes with clenched fists and flexes his bulging muscles and there’s nothing in this world that I want to do more than run into his arms and touch him one last time...

But if I do, that will be the end of us... and there is something I want more than to touch him again right now: for him to live. For the both of us to live. For the three of us to live to fight another day.

“I’m not leaving you Cat. Never...”

“Go!” I whip around to face him, big globs of tears welling up in my eyes. Pain rips through my very being, but I stand strong. The stubborn Angel, why won’t he listen!?

“The lady has spoken,” Dante’s unwelcome voice slithers between us. “You’ve failed. Go, crawl off with your tail between your legs.”

I want to rip Dante’s eyes out and slash his throat with my nails. He’s purposely taunting Angel; he wants him to suffer.

Angel is frozen in place. His beautiful eyes race back and forth as he tries to process just what the fuck is happening. I stay silent, but, through the look in my eyes, I try to urge him to go, to save himself.

Please, Angel. Go. Live to fight another day. Live to be a father.

Finally, he seems to pick up on my pleading, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it. “Please,” I mouth to him. “Go.”

He stares at me like I’m ripping out his heart. I wonder if he can tell that my heart is already in charred pieces on the burning terrace tiles...

We’re broken, but as long as we’re still breathing, there’s still hope. I trust him.

Please, make the right decision, Angel.

“I’ll be back,” he mouths. My dead heart disappears all together. He’s listening. This is good. He’ll walk out of here alive, and then he will come back for me, I know it.

Still, the thought of him leaving me again hurts so bad it feels like I might die anyway.

No, Catalina. You’re not dying. You’re going to be a mother. You have to be stronger than ever. For Angel, for yourself, for your child.

Angel and I share one last long look before it becomes too much. That tint of emerald green in his eyes glows in the flames. Ash falls between us. Flames nip at our heels. We both take the hardest breath we’ve ever had to take...

Then, Angel turns away.

Dante’s victorious laugh fills the rotten air and I fall to my knees. Hellish flames dance and lash around me as the man of my dreams walks out of the door, leaving me to the mercy of his evil brother.

I hurt, but I won’t give up.

Sure, my heart is long gone, burnt to a crisp and turned to ashes, but there’s also another heart beating inside of me now; a heart that I share with someone else; a heart that promises life; a heart that promises hope. In that heart is a future; in that heart is the phoenix that will help me rise from these ashes.

In that heart is Angel.

I’ll see him again. I have to.