“So you think it’s wrong?”
“No! Absolutely not. What do you think this whole conversation has been about? Trust yourself, Cassie. I mean that—whatever happens, you’ll make it right. You’ll do what you need to do to be the caring, considerate decent person you are. And you’ll do all you can to help those around you be as happy as they can be, too.”
She needed to believe that.
Wanted to believe it. But didn’t always see herself that way. Shouldn’t she have fallen in love by now, had a family the traditional way, if she was such a good person?
“You’ve never done anything in a traditional way,” her mother said, leaning her head back against the seat and burying her manicured toes in the sand. “Of course, your father and I didn’t give you a traditional upbringing, but even with the choice to have a baby...you wanted to fall in love, to marry, but you didn’t settle for less when that didn’t happen. Instead, you found a different way to have the family you need and want.”
Yeah, she was good with the insemination choice. It was just...
“What if he’s the one?” The question escaped, emitting a dark cloud of emotion inside and outside Cassie. Her stomach clenched, and she rubbed the tiny baby bump, knowing that she had to keep calm. For Alan’s sake.
Alan. Her son. Who didn’t have leukemia. Thank God. A thousand times over.
“What if, down the road, when life settles, we still feel the same way about each other? What if he really is the guy I’ve been looking for my entire life?”
“How can he be? He’s already made up his mind. Even though he says he’s attracted to you, and he’s attentive, he’s not going to trust that it could be anything more than that. He’s already closed his heart to the possibility. I’m guessing he was irrevocably changed by his failed marriage. And in fairness to him, he’s probably right to do so. You’re far more like his ex-wife than not.” Susan’s words didn’t hold even a hint of hope.
And she knew why she’d broached the subject with her mother.
She’d needed to hear the truth.
And she just had.
Chapter Eleven
Wood told Elaina the results of Cassie’s amniocentesis Sunday evening. He listened to every word of her medical translation of them, focusing completely, asking questions. He needed to know all scenarios, possibilities and outcomes, suspected causes and lifetime prognosis. Basically, there was little threat to life because the condition had been identified early on, and likely prognosis was normal birth, healthy baby.
Elaina did say that Cassie and the baby would be monitored closely. The pregnancy would likely be designated high risk, simply because of the monitoring, but that there was little cause for worry.
Wood was worried anyway. That was unusual for him, even if he was not just a sperm donor, because he tended to be the strength others leaned on. Even when his mother died, he’d spent little time on his own grief, thinking instead of how it was affecting his brother and what he could do to smooth Peter’s way. When Peter had died, his mind had been consumed with thoughts of Elaina—assessing her needs, taking care of all he could.
Much like he was thinking of Cassie, he realized. Constantly.
But that tiny life growing inside her... He had no idea how to help it. No concept of a “sit and wait,” hands-off regimen. Which left him uneasy. Unsure of himself.
The feelings were new, and not at all welcome, filling his mind with questions that had no answers, as opposed to actions he could take.
Added to the confusion was the new role he had—the no-name, no-definition role. He would be a welcome figure in the life of his biological child. What did that mean?
Confusion kept him from contacting Cassie the rest of the weekend. He needed some space—and figured she might want distance, too—while he sorted out how he handled the drastic turn his life was taking, while, on the surface, it didn’t change at all.
It wasn’t like he was preparing for a new baby. For his first child. He had no obligations and no rights to be a provider. There were no announcements to make to his coworkers, no upcoming additions to his insurance plan, no medical arrangements to make for the birth.
There wasn’t even the need to clear his schedule. It wasn’t like he’d have a seat in the delivery room. Or be present for a single middle-of-the-night feeding.
And yet...he cared more about Cassie and her baby than he’d cared for anything in his life.
He caught a couple of guys looking oddly at him at work on Monday. Like he had some kind of vicarious pregnancy glow or something. The idea amused him. He went with it, until Gerald, his next in command, mentioned that he’d groused at a couple of guys, asking if something was wrong.
“Just some personal business,” he told the man he’d been working with for more than a decade. “Not even bad business, just trying to figure out the best way to handle it,” he added. Lying wasn’t his style. But neither was baring his soul.
“Financial stuff,” Gerald said. They were standing together on site, on a two-mi
nute, drain-a-water-bottle break, watching as their crew measured, cut, squared and nailed. “I’m telling you, man, you need to hire someone to handle that for you. I got it in the beginning, when you were just dabbling, but now...”
Gerald knew he’d had some luck with investments. In the beginning, Wood had talked about it. Because the amounts he’d risked had been small and he’d never expected his activities to amount to anything. Over the years, he’d been more quiet about it. Gerald had no idea how much luck Wood had managed to gain for himself. Nor would he.