“I just like knowing that you’re okay,” she told him. “I know that’s ridiculous. I’ve lived thirty-four years without knowing a thing about you, and suddenly, I relax better at night knowing you’re out there and all right.”
Her words almost stopped him in his tracks. He had to consciously prevent himself from asking her to repeat them.
It was a basic concept in his life, his own bottom line—he needed to know the ones he cared about were all right.
When you’d lost a loved one...more than one...
She’d just told him she cared about him—like one who cared for their family.
“Ditto” was all he said.
But once again, his world had just changed.
* * *
They were almost at the truck, another quarter mile or so, and Cassie didn’t want to go back without clarity. She didn’t have a list. Couldn’t put boundaries around them. But she also didn’t want to screw up what might be the best adult relationship she’d ever had.
Certainly one that was seeming to mean more to her than any other, excluding her parents. Far different from her parents. Closer, in some ways.
She needed more. And didn’t know how to establish that in a way that didn’t ruin things between them. She kept reminding herself she’d only known him a matter of weeks.
Her heart didn’t seem to get the point.
“So...you felt him move last night?” Wood asked, his hands in his pockets as they walked. No chance her fingers could bump into his. But she bumped her arm to his. And managed to hold the contact as they walked.
“Yeah, I think so. I’m pretty much certain that’s what it was. Based on what I read on the internet.”
“But it hasn’t happened since?”
“No. And from what I’ve read, that’s common, too. At first.”
“What was it like?”
She glanced over the foot and a half or so that had been separating them the entire walk—purposefully, she was sure—and liked the warm curiosity in his vivid blue eyes.
“Like something’s pushing at you from the inside out,” she said. “I know that sounds obvious, but...it was strong enough that it took my breath away. Not from the force, but from the shock of it.”
“Did it hurt?”
She shook her head. “Not at all. It was kind of like a soft rubber ball, or something, just bouncing once off the inside of my skin.” Not quite, but it was as close as she could come.
He asked about morning sickness again. So far she’d had none. And, hard as it was to believe, she didn’t want to talk about her pregnancy at the moment. And have the conversation take up her last moments with him.
Retro saw another dog, watched intently, but didn’t miss her stride. Cassie handed over the leash anyway, just in case, and felt a sweet warmth pass through her as her fingers brushed Wood’s.
He’d shown her a picture of the crib frame he’d already completed while they’d been stopped at a light on the way to the beach. And talked to her about Elaina’s suggestions for design changes. Something perverse had made her want to reject them outright, and when she’d recognized the feelings of jealousy, she’d reeled herself in. Thought about the changes and approved every one of them. Even relaxed enough to feel gratitude toward the other woman for suggesting them.
“I’ve given a lot of thought to your request for clear boundaries.” She felt like she blurted the words. As they neared the parking lot, the path grew more populated. A family of five on bikes. Couples walking hand in hand. A group of teenage girls, scantily dressed, talking loud and giggling.
“And?” Wood didn’t seem to notice the cacophony going on around them. She resented its intrusion but was grateful for its protection, too.
“I need a better understanding of what you’re envisioning.” The words were a cop-out. She didn’t want to impose boundaries. Or wasn’t ready to define them. What if she inadvertently shut out something that she didn’t even know was there yet?
Or turned her back on something because she couldn’t see it?
As a toddler on a tricycle almost ran into Retro, Wood veered them off the path and down toward a stretch of beach. Up the hill, on the cliff side, his truck sat waiting for them, ready to end the outing. She could see it there.
“I have someplace else to be in about an hour,” Wood said, telling her, she was sure, that he was putting off the conversation that had to happen.