The Child Who Changed Them (Parent Portal 5)

“I’ve chosen a name if it’s a boy,” Greg announced, sending a spiral of emotion through her. Anticipation. Excitement. An instinctive hold on both.

They had an ultrasound scheduled the following morning. And if that didn’t reveal the gender of the child, they would have a blood test done at the same time.

Greg hadn’t said another word about finding out the gender after their talk in the shed. She was the one who’d made the decision. Who’d pushed to have it done.

Because she did want to be fully alive.

To that end, she looked up from the cup of microwaved water into which she’d just dropped a tea bag. “What is it?” she asked, trying not to notice how sexy he looked in the jeans and white undershirt he’d adopted as his woodworking attire. She didn’t even care about the sawdust that clung to the material and would soon be leaving a little trail down the hallway.

If Greg noticed, he’d vacuum it up. If he didn’t, she would.

If she were a different woman, she’d be rubbing herself against him and getting some of that sawdust on herself.

“Peter,” he said, leaning back against the counter as he spoke. “You wanted to honor your husband, and Wood, and I want that, too,” he said. His gaze was direct, clear.

And easy. Convincing her that he was speaking the complete truth.

Where her heart should have flared, it wilted.

No.

The word came to her mind clearly. With no explanation.

And no hint at its origin.

She waited a second, searched for the reply she wanted to give, an expression of how much Greg’s choice meant to her, opened her mouth and heard “no” again. Out loud.

She’d given him the right to choose the boy’s name, no stipulations added. He got to choose.

Frowning, he glanced at her, toward the tea bag she was bobbing and then back at her. Her peripheral vision caught the movement. She’d yet to look at him directly.

Not since she’d heard her deceased husband’s name come off his lips.

“You’d planned for Peter to be the father,” Greg said. “You were having yourself inseminated with his sperm when you found out I’d already managed by some act of supreme fate to perform the job first. It’s right that Peter be remembered here. That he have a place in this family, and in your life. I feel good about the choice. My son, if that’s what we’re having, will have a namesake to look up to. And maybe even more of a reason to bond with Wood—as his brother’s namesake.”

Elaina sipped from her tea. Burnt her lip, her tongue, and didn’t care. She sipped a second time. Put the cup down, shook her head. “No.”

Still shaking her head, Elaina walked out of the kitchen, her tea still on the counter. She wrapped her arms around her middle, went to the living room and sat in the darkness, feeling at home there. Too at home there. Her world had been dark for so long.

Dark felt normal.

But the life she was building for her baby...that was going to be filled with light. She wouldn’t have it any other way...and while she’d loved Peter, memories of him were tinged with sadness and frustration. And guilt.

“What’s going on?” Greg sat beside her. Not touching her, but...there. She moved farther away. Didn’t want to feel his heat, to be so aware of him. He belonged in the light, with the child they’d unknowingly created.

There was no mistake about that baby’s creation. She knew that as well as she knew that life came with no guarantees, that bad things happened to good people, that there was nothing you could ever do to make sure bad didn’t happen.

She’d made a very real choice to wake up. To give instead of take. She’d put her intentions out into the universe. And the response had been a baby with Greg instead of with Peter.

Because with the baby, there would be light.

“I don’t want this baby to forever wear a reminder of my tragedy.” The words came and she approved them. They were ample, without spilling any more darkness.

In a room where she couldn’t see well enough to make out more than shadowy outlines of features.

“Peter’s life, the things he did when he was alive, weren’t tragic.”

“He lived life exactly as he wanted to live it.” She could say that with conviction.