And then he remembered her adamant desire to remain single; he wasn’t going to change her mind on that one. Knew that it wasn’t even right of him to try—all baby considerations aside. Just as he knew that he wasn’t going to change his mind about wanting to get married and stay that way for the rest of his life.
“Because I’m afraid that no matter how I feel, it might be best for my baby if you are a casual acquaintance in his or her life,” she said.
And his heart skidded to a halt.
Chapter Nine
What in the hell was she thinking, making that statement to Craig about having him be an acquaintance in her baby’s life? She wasn’t thinking.
Meeting her sister for breakfast the next morning at an upscale bagel shop down by the mostly private stretch of beach in town, Amelia straightened her shoulders and went inside.
Angie had already ordere
d and had their bagels and tea at a high-top table for two by the window. Noting her sister’s black leggings, long fluted white blouse, makeup and matching black-and-white earrings in all three piercings, she took a deep breath. Angie always dressed more formally when she was upset. Like the clothes gave her strength. And maybe they did, if they made her feel better about herself.
She knew she should have called Angie back the night before, rather than just texting to set up a breakfast meet, but Craig had been sitting there, he’d touched her stomach, taken her pulse, warmed her from the inside out. She’d needed time to collect her thoughts.
And it had been after nine when Craig had left and she hadn’t wanted the questions that would come from her sister if she’d called that late. Better for Angie to think she’d gone to bed early to catch up on the sleep she’d missed that week with the intercontinental travel.
Pregnancy required more sleep, too.
Leaning over to kiss her sister’s cheek, and to receive Angie’s return greeting, Amelia stepped up to take a seat on her stool.
“I saw Craig Harmon,” she said, putting it right out there. Honesty was the only way to even have a chance of winning back the deep level of trust Angie had once had in her.
Her sister’s sudden ashen face broke her heart a little more. Nerves that had already been iffy started to tense and create churning inside as she considered what might come.
Before Angie could say anything, if she’d even been going to say anything, Amelia told her sister about her sperm donor’s visit. About his desire to marry. His understanding of and respect for her own personal choice to remain single.
She told Angie about the man’s honest need for peace of mind, where his sperm donation was concerned, waiting for Angie’s compassion to take over from whatever insecurities she might be feeling.
“He doesn’t want any control over this baby,” she told her sister, who’d yet to touch her tea or bagel. Or say a word. “He just needs to know that it’s okay.”
More than just okay, but in the moment, the word sufficed.
“You like him.” Angie’s words fell like rocks on her chest.
“No, sweetie, I don’t.” She might have, pre-Mike. Who was she kidding? She could see her old self swooning if the doctor had asked her out. He was gorgeous. And, even better, not afraid to talk about feelings. “I can’t,” she told her. “Those impulsive feelings...they’re dead to me.” She hadn’t realized fully until the night before when, though she found Craig Harmon as hot as they came, she hadn’t been tempted to throw caution to the wind and ask him to bed. Which was what she’d done when she first met Mike.
“I learned my lesson, Angie. I know myself, and it’s like the knowing brought with it an internal safety net. I think about being in a relationship and I just shut down. I truly don’t want it.”
No more living with the constant worry of having to please. No more putting her happiness in the control of one person. Or giving up self to make someone else happy. Or having the light in her life suddenly change hue and not be alight at all.
Studying her, Angie picked up her bagel. Took a bite. Seemed to see what she needed to find in Amelia’s gaze as she chewed and then nodded.
“It would be easier for me to accept this if you’d told me ahead of time that you were going to see him,” she mentioned as she took another bite of bagel.
Not really hungry, but knowing she needed her energy, especially in light of the afternoon activity she had planned, Amelia followed suit. She ate half her bagel before she said anything more.
“You’re right.” She finally acknowledged what she’d known from the beginning. “But I knew what you’d think, Angie, and I had to prove to you that you were wrong. I had to see him and be okay so you’d know that I am.”
Reaching for Amelia’s hand, Angie gave it a squeeze. “You know that I don’t think you fall for the first guy who gives you a second look, right?”
“Of course I do. In the first place, I’d be falling all over the place,” she joked.
“But this guy...he’s not just some guy,” Angie said. “I can tell you’re attached to him already, Mel. And that is something you could lose yourself over.”
She didn’t say a word.