Arriving at the restaurant her usual fifteen minutes early, expecting to have a good ten minutes to acclimate herself to a friendly conversation minus any of the drama rambling through her, she was surprised
to see Braden already there. Stepping away from the wall off to the side of the hostess’s desk, he greeted her with a kiss to the cheek and, with his hand at her back, walked with her as the hostess showed them to their table.
It was a booth by a wall, with no window to look out. No ocean to see. Leaving her staring at him as she reeled from the touch of his hand at the small of her back. It had been so long since he’d touched her there. She was making too much of it, she was sure. Totally overreacting.
As was her want for more. Like a kiss full on the lips instead of the cheek. Maybe with some tongue touching.
What was wrong with her?
It had to be the pregnancy. Or, worse, perverseness because she knew he was seeing someone. She hoped to God it wasn’t that. She wasn’t that small, was she?
She wanted Braden happy. That’s all she’d ever wanted for him.
Yeah, she’d love it if they could still be married, but they’d torn each other apart. It was much better to be friends than to lose him completely.
Glancing over, she caught him looking at her with that darker blue shadow in his eyes. The one that told her he’d rather have sex than dinner.
Again, it had to be her misreading the look.
“I didn’t really plan to be in San Diego today.” His voice was soft, taunting her, though there was no way he’d know that.
Pray he never knew that. She’d be so humiliated. And he’d feel badly, as if it was his fault and as if he owed her for the fact that her body suddenly seemed to be coming alive for him again.
It had to be the pregnancy, and that had been totally her fault. Her choice.
“You didn’t?” she asked when she could trust her voice not to crack.
He shook his head. And she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to make of that.
They ordered and as they ate, Braden talked about the progress being made on the new L.A. build and the pros and cons of living in a hotel. He missed his own bed, his own bathroom and closet more than he’d thought he would.
She wondered if he missed San Diego, too, but didn’t ask.
He didn’t ask why she’d called the dinner meeting. Needing some time to get over her emotional reaction to seeing him, to him touching her lower back, she didn’t tell him. She didn’t trust herself not to gush. Or cry. And she definitely didn’t want to add those flames to a relationship that seemed to be changing in spite of their desires and efforts and promises to not let that happen.
When their plates were cleared and he was paying the bill, she figured she’d ask him about his family’s twin history as they were parting at their vehicles. Make it just a quick oh-by-the-way thing.
He asked her to go for a walk with him, instead. They were downtown, one block from a row of shops and hotels along the ocean. With the balmy May evening air feeling good to her heated skin and her fears right there ready to mock her, she agreed, thinking a walk with her ex-husband was better than fighting with her own mind.
Their hands brushed and she immediately stepped to the side, adjusting her walk to prevent another touch.
“I want to apologize,” she said, when she’d meant to ask about the history of twins in his family.
“For what?”
“When we had Tucker I didn’t even think to include you when I went to the doctor, you know, hearing the heartbeat and all that.”
“I didn’t ask to go.”
“But you’d have gone if I’d asked, wouldn’t you?”
“Of course.”
“I’ve been thinking about it all day.” The words poured out even though she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do this to him. Wouldn’t drag him back into the emotional quagmire he detested. “I wasn’t fair to you, Bray. I excluded you from things that maybe you didn’t necessarily care about or think were a big deal, but if you’d been there...well, maybe they could have been.”
“You were having a baby. I wasn’t. Of course there were things only you got to experience.”
“But I didn’t even try to make you a part of them.” And after Tucker was born, she’d never once asked him to rise in the night to get the baby. She’d been breastfeeding, so she’d had to get up anyway. Besides, he’d been working while she’d taken four months off.