Shielded In The Shadows

“Did you have a chance to check any of the drugstores for lipstick purchases?” she asked because they had to talk and she didn’t dare venture into conversation that would make her like Jayden Powell any more than she already did.

She wasn’t going to satisfy her curiosity where his life was concerned. Only his body.

Take it or leave it. That last was for her shadow side. The demon side that had been tempting her to throw all her lessons to the wind and hook up with the parole officer. If he’d have her.

One of her safety nets was that he didn’t want a relationship any more than she did. Even if she lost her mind and begged, he’d say no...right?

“Two of the three places that sell lipstick within the vicinity of Bill’s phone app activity have already been crossed off,” he said. “The third said that the clerk who’d been on all week would be in on Monday. I’ll check back then. And no, no one recognized him, or remembered any man buying lipstick.”

He could have picked it up at the big-box store at the edge of town, she thought to herself.

“What’s that?” Jayden was looking at the calendar on the side of her refrigerator. She never sat in that seat. Never noticed the calendar in view from there.

“A calendar.”

“It’s got X’s on most of the days. You counting down for something?”

So, this was embarrassing.

“It’s my cycle. So I’ll know when I’m ovulating.” Just one of those personal things that had nothing to do with him.

His face lost all expression. It was like he was there with her and then he wasn’t.

“You’re trying to have a baby?” She was pretty sure a guy couldn’t look more horrified.

“No!” Standing, she carried her plate to the sink. Poured a tad bit more wine. “Well...yes, but not right now,” she corrected herself, rinsing her plate and then moving back to get his. “I’m not using you for your sperm, if that’s what you’re afraid of. As a matter of fact, I’m making certain that we aren’t...satisfying this thing between us...when I’m ovulating.”

He stood, too, helping to clear the rest of the table. “Glad to have that cleared up.”

With the water running, she stopped to stare at him. “You actually think I’d do that?” What did it matter what he thought? They weren’t going to be together.

“I don’t. But it’s a bit of a shock to be having sex with a woman who announces that she’s tracking when she ovulates.”

He was looking more like himself. Topped off his glass of wine, though he’d only taken a few sips of what he’d had to begin with. He really should have brought some beer.

Or she should have picked up some. She’d seen the six-pack in his refrigerator the night before. She knew what he liked.

“It’s all part of my life plan,” she said. “I know I’m never going to marry again. Or be in a long-term committed relationship. I’m not looking for a man to father a child. But I want a family. I’ve had a child growing inside me. I’ve never gotten over losing it. That alone tells me how badly I need to be a parent. I’ve already got an anonymous donor picked out.”

“You need to be a parent.”

Leaning against the cupboard, he watched while she finished rinsing the sink, wiping down the faucet. “Don’t you?” she asked. “Someday?”

“Absolutely not.”

“You sound pretty sure about that.”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

Okay then, that was clear.

“I’ve been seeing a fertility specialist,” she told him, taking her wine into the living room. Heading back to bed didn’t seem like such a fine idea at the moment. It wasn’t even dark outside. Maybe a movie would be good. Something a bit raunchy. “My first attempt to conceive was this past month. That’s what the calendar was for. I was inseminated a little over two weeks ago and found out on Wednesday that the attempt was unsuccessful.” And if the news scared him off, so be it. They weren’t starting a relationship. They were having sex. And it was going to end sometime.

He sat on the couch, so close their thighs were touching.

“I’m sorry.” His gaze was warm again. Sincere.

“For what?”