A tall order.
She poured tea while she pondered it.
She handed him a cup and followed him into the living room. They were talking in whispers, and she took a detour to close Carmela’s door. Her friend, if she awoke, would understand.
She checked on Stella, too. Because she couldn’t resist. The baby girl, in a new red fleece sleeper, was on her back, sound asleep, mouth open.
So precious. Innocent. Completely dependent.
“I love you, baby girl,” she whispered, and turned to head back in to Nolan, only to find him in the bedroom doorway, looking in on them. Stepping aside, she motioned him over, and they stood there together, watching their daughter sleep, until he finally took her hand to lead her back down the hall.
They sat on the couch together. Lizzie would have chosen the chair, but this was new ground—space where they were admitting they had feelings for each other, while they worked through a way to deal with them without acting on them. It was a recipe for disaster, given the obvious chemistry that still flared between them. She wanted to get married someday. And she assumed he did, too. There was no way it could work between them, though. She could never fit into his world, and she had to make him realize that. Eventually they’d end up hurting each other. Hating each other.
How could anything like this possibly work out?
Anyway, she didn’t know the answer, but felt certain that, together, they could find it. Because of Stella.
As he had earlier, he took her hand. She didn’t pull back. Carmela was just down the hall. More to the point, so was Stella.
Could they love each other, openly, without sex?
She desperately wanted for there to be a way.
“I think it’s pretty clear that what we had last year still lives between us,” he started. Her lips were trembling as she smiled and nodded.
“I hope knowing that will help you understand the struggle within me.” His eyes were so serious, so filled with warmth...and pain? She couldn’t tear her gaze away.
“I can’t not be Nolan Fortune,” he told her. And her heart melted for him. All over him.
“Nolan, is that what this about?” she asked him. “I’m not going to ask you, or expect you, or even hope that you would ever turn your back on who you are. I knew from the second you told me who you were that Nolan Fortune is who you have to be.” Suddenly Carmela’s words meant so much more than she’d understood at the time. “I care for you, Nolan. I couldn’t possibly do that and ask you to be someone you aren’t.”
He didn’t look as appeased, or relieved, as she’d hoped he would.
“I mean it. I know you have to go back. That your life is there. Your family is there. I won’t ever stand in the way of that.”
“I have to tell them about Stella.”
Her stomach clenched, but she hung in there. How good was their future if she was felled at the first challenge?
“I know,” she said. She’d always known. “But you’ll stick to our a
greement, right?”
“About the house?”
Her breathing was coming in short spurts now, but she was going to persevere.
“And about her living with me and you visiting?”
She had to make certain that her part of that negotiation remained solid. It was all that could really matter to her.
“Yes,” he said. “Absolutely.” With those two words, everything inside Lizzie settled into place. He really was going to honor her need to mother their daughter full-time.
“So, I’m officially out from under my promise to keep her a secret,” he said, as though full disclosure was the only thing he was worried about. For herself, she’d been frantic that his family would take Stella away from her.
Reeling herself in, Lizzie nodded. Nolan was a strong man. He was a man his family could rely on, but that made him a man she could rely on, too. He knew their situation. He wasn’t going to let his family convince him otherwise.
Or was she trying to squash her concerns now, just to get along? Life was just so hard sometimes. It shouldn’t be so complicated.