If Johnny had come by to spend the night with her, she was going to let him. No questions asked. He couldn’t help that he came from a different world, just like she couldn’t help loving him. So if she was the woman on the wrong side of the tracks he had to visit on the sly, she’d accept what he could give her.
She’d even been thinking about calling him and offering him the opportunity. But only if he wasn’t involved with someone else. She wouldn’t be the other woman.
Not that she thought Johnny was the type of guy who’d want that, anyway.
He’d taught her that she didn’t want to be alone anymore.
And that if she was alone, she had only herself to blame.
Of course, he could just be there to offer her another job. She could be his charity case.
Jackson had made it up three steps. Had one more to go. Johnny seemed fascinated with his progress. One step behind her son, Tabitha could smell Johnny’s cologne. Was surprised to find that it hadn’t changed. He smelled the same as he had the entire time she’d known him.
Jackson got to the porch and stood there, staring up at Johnny. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi.” Johnny smiled down at him. And then looked at her, also on the porch now, just behind her son. “Hello, Tabitha,” he said to her in an entirely different tone. He didn’t smile, but his gaze bathed her in warmth.
“Hi,” she said back, smiling up at him. “It’s really, really good to see you, Johnny. You want to come in? Can you stay for dinner? Or at least a cup of coffee?” He wasn’t her Johnny anymore. Didn’t have all day.
Was probably eating every meal from fine china these days.
“Jackson wants hot dogs,” she added.
“I’d like to come in.”
Pulling her keys out of her purse, she unlocked the front door, ushered her son inside and let Johnny follow.
Jackson went immediately to his high chair. “Mama, I eat,” he said, patting the seat.
She looked at Johnny and hated that they were wasting what minutes they had together. “Hold on just a sec,” she told him, already reaching for the toddler cookies she kept for emergencies, putting them on Jackson’s tray, along with a sippy cup filled with milk, and strapping him in.
Then she turned to Johnny. “You want a cup of coffee?” She hoped he’d stay that long.
He shook his head. Came toward her. “I want you, Tabitha.”
She wanted that, too. More than she could have imagined. But she had a son to think about, and a quickie wasn’t going to do it after a month away from him...
“I want to marry you.”
She stood there looking at him. “Have you been drinking?” She’d wondered about that earlier.
“I’ve never been more sober in my life. I found my passion, Tabitha, the thing that pushes everything else into second place. The one thing I can’t live without. It’s you. You’re my passion.”
“Johnny, I already decided I want to make love with you. I was going to call and beg you to come visit. You don’t have to ask me to marry you.” Was he forgetting that he came from an entirely different world? That he no longer lived next door?
It occurred to her then that the car she’d seen was probably his. Because he still owned the house?
“You don’t get it, do you?” He came closer. Wrapped his arms around her. “You are my life quest, Tabitha, and I need my partner.”
“But...”
Fear clogged her throat. Froze the blood in her veins. If they were partners for life and she lost him...
“You have to believe to see,” he said softly. “Believe that no matter what, even if death parts us, we will always be together, Tabitha. My strength is your strength. And yours is mine. That’s what partnership is all about.”
She couldn’t let him do it.
“But...you live in an entirely different world. I won’t fit in. I’m not even sure I want to fit in. Your family certainly isn’t going to approve of the fact that I’m not like you. I don’t know how to behave in your world.” The more obstacles she listed, the safer she felt. “And...isn’t it too soon after Angel’s death? You just got back, aren’t used to living your real life without her. Without a wife. And there’s Jackson. Do you even like kids?” She had more to say, but he’d put his lips on hers.