My Babies and Me

That was beside the point. She’d been too busy these past four years.

“I wanted to travel to Europe by the time I was thirty-six.” She steered Seth back to the original conversation. “And,” she added before he could grill her, “I loved every second of the month I spent there.”

Of course, she’d been with Michael, and as a general rule, she loved every second she’d spent with Michael, period. They’d even made getting divorced fun. They’d rushed straight home afterward, tripped over his packing boxes on the way to their bedroom and made love furiously until dawn.

Seth chomped on a couple of fries. Brooding. His classically golden good looks were broken by the frown he was wearing.

“I’ve always known I’d have a baby by the year 2000,” Susan said softly, seriously, begging her brother to understand.

“Listen to you! Learn to play an instrument, go to Europe, have a baby by the year 2000. It’s ludicrous, Susan.” When his intensity didn’t sway her, he slowed down. “What happens after you have this baby?” he finally asked.

“Then I raise him or her.”

“You can’t just bring a child into the world because some stupid plan tells you to, Susan.”

“Who says I can’t?” Not exactly an answer to be proud of, but he was making her defensive.

“You aren’t mother material, for God’s sake! Can’t you see that?”

She opened her mouth but couldn’t speak. Not one word came out. She just sat there, mouth gaping, staring at him.

Until her eyes filled with tears. “How can you say that?”

“I’m sorry, sis.” He glanced away, took a sip of whiskey. “I love you, you know that.”

She’d thought she did.

“Look at your life, Susan, all mapped out, running right on schedule. The last thing children do is follow your schedule. They shouldn’t have to. They should be free to follow their own way, their own hearts. And they need parents who can give them the time, the freedom of choice to do so.”

“Like you’d know?” she asked, still hurt by his sudden abandonment.

He acknowledged his own lack of family with a nod. “I do know,” he said, surprising her with his fierceness. “Which is exactly why I’m so goddamn alone.” He finished off his whiskey with one swallow.

“Seth?”

There was a lot more going on here than she knew. A lot more that she needed to know.

“Not now,” was all he said, flagging down the waitress for another whiskey.

Susan pushed her plate away, untouched. She’d had breakfast at nine. It was way too early to be thinking about eating again.

“There’s another factor that’s missing here. Unless something else has happened since I left town.”

Susan shook her head. Life had been predictable, the same, for months now.

“A baby needs a father.” Seth’s voice was strong again. He made a show of glancing around them. “I don’t see one hanging around.”

Susan took a deep breath. “I’m going to ask Michael.”

Eyes suddenly alight, Seth grinned and grabbed her hand. “You two are getting back together?”

She couldn’t hold his gaze, couldn’t watch it dim. Sliding her hand from his, Susan shook her head. “Of course not. Nothing’s changed there.”

“Careers still come first, you mean?” he asked.

Susan nodded, awash in the sadness she felt emanating from her younger brother.

“My point exactly.” He finished off the second whiskey. “A kid deserves to come first.”