“I don’t know about that.” Seth sent her a slanted glance. “But the bottom line is, it’s all I’m trained for. It’s all I can do if I’m to make a decent living.”
Relieved that Seth was finally coming to his senses, Susan relaxed in her chair. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah,” he said bitterly. “There is.”
Michael was frowning. “Why?” he challenged.
“Because unlike you, old buddy, I want a family.”
“Uncle Bill, on Family Affair, was an engineer,” Susan quickly pointed out. “And he raised three kids.”
“He had Mr. French,” Seth argued.
“But he didn’t have a wife—or mother—for the kids,” Michael said, joining in.
“And those kids couldn’t have asked for a better life,” Susan said. “Buffy and Jody were happy, well-adjusted children. And why? Because they always knew they were loved.”
As if realizing as much himself, Michael nodded. “Cissy, too,” he added. “Sure, there were times when they missed Bill, but they did fine.”
“Just think how excited they got whenever Uncle Bill was home. Think of the quality time he spent with them.”
Seth listened, his face lighting with a trace of hope. But only briefly. Shoulders slumped, he finished his coffee and stood up. “You two are really sick, you know that?” he said. “You’re talking about a thirty-year-old television show like it really happened. This is real life. Now will one of you please take me home?”
“Not yet,” Susan said firmly as both men started to stand.
Staring at her, they both settled back in their chairs. “Yes, this is real life Seth, and in real life, there are a lot of kids who have no father at all. And there are thousands of kids right here in this city whose fathers live in the same house with them, are home every night, and are still strangers to them.”
“So?” Seth’s question wasn’t quite belligerent, but Susan had a feeling he’d wanted it to be.
“I guess what she’s saying, man, is that a good weekend dad is a hell of a lot better than no dad at all.”
“What I’m saying,” Susan said, taking in both men with her lawyer stare, “is that any kid who has a good dad—even one he sees only once or twice a year—is a damn lucky kid. Just knowing the man’s out there to lean on, to call, to go to for help, even if that help comes over thousands of miles of phone wire, gives the kid an edge.”
Susan’s heart sank when she saw the indulgent look shared by two of the most infuriating men in her life. “Of course, this comes from the woman who thinks that caring for two children will be just as easy as caring for one,” Michael said.
“The same woman who’s planning to continue her career as always, in spite of midnight feedings, colicky babies and mornings with messy crib sheets, diapers and babies.”
Tuning out Seth and Michael, she felt sorry for both of them. They were just too stubborn to realize they really could have it all.
SUSAN WAS already in bed by the time Michael returned from Seth’s. Strangely depressed himself after the evening with his ex-brother-in-law, he undressed quickly and slid in beside her. Instantly hard, just from her warmth, he moved a little closer. She was asleep. She’d never know if he stole a little comfort.
Slipping his arm carefully around her belly, he settled himself on his side behind her and closed his eyes. There were many forms of torture. And many forms of heaven. He figured he’d found one of each.
The first time it happened, he was drifting in a state of semiconsciousness, floating in and out of a dream.
By the second kick, he was fully awake, waiting.
Heart beating rapidly, he lay completely still, resisting the urge to cup his hand around that movement. To claim it.
There was a baby in there. Alive. Real.
Another kick came, but this blow landed on his forearm. Either the sucker was a fast mover or...
There were two babies in there. Two lives he’d helped create. Amazingly, he didn’t feel any immediate sense of foreboding, any of the familiar chains closing around his throat. They’d follow. He knew that. But for now...
Exhausted beyond the ability to analyze, Michael moved a little closer. Flattening his hand softly against Susan’s stomach, careful not to disturb her, he gave in to the need to connect with his children.
And then, oddly comforted, he slept.