My Babies and Me

“The kids were getting too attached,” Laura said, not bothering to fight the tears. She only had so much strength.

Michael shifted in his seat, drawing Laura’s attention, but he didn’t say anything, just sat there and frowned. She turned back to Susan.

“My kids have b

een through a lot.”

“I know.” Susan’s eyes were full of understanding. “Seth told me.”

Grateful that she’d been spared that particular explanation, Laura said, “So you can understand that I couldn’t risk putting them through another rejection.” Laura tried to tell the story without thinking about that last night with Seth. Wiping a tear as it slid down her cheek, she took another deep breath.

“It was getting to the point where they couldn’t wait for Seth to come so they could tell him whatever good news they might have. They hung on his opinion, even asked his permission for things.”

“And that bothered you?” Susan asked. “Threatened your place as their mother?”

“Good heavens, no!” Laura almost laughed. “I thought it was heaven.”

Susan looked a little confused. “So what happened?”

Staring down at her hands, she confessed the rest. “I gave Seth an ultimatum. Told him we either had to have a firm commitment between us or I had to end things right then. Because the kids were already telling their friends he was going to be their new father.”

“They couldn’t just be happy having him around as a friend of the family?” Michael asked. His hands were clasped, fingers against his lips, as though he were intensely interested in Laura’s plight.

She’d wished so many times that things could’ve been different for her and Seth. But now she had yet another reason. Her life would have been so blessed if Susan and Michael could have been part of it.

Embarrassed, she was glad her thoughts were her own. What audacious liberties she was taking, even imagining Susan as family.

“It wasn’t the time he spent with them or whether or not he lived there so much as the impermanence that bothered me,” she finally said. “If Seth didn’t love me enough to give me some kind of commitment, then chances were he’d be gone without warning some day.” She spoke to both of them. “Whenever someone else came along, or he just plain got tired of me and my kids. I couldn’t take that chance. Not with Jeremy and Jenny being so vulnerable.”

“Did you explain all of this to Seth?” Susan asked.

“I tried to.” Laura was remembering again. Seth had looked so betrayed. She was no longer sure what she’d said.

“The thing is...” Susan spoke slowly, not glancing toward Michael this time. “I think Seth is under the opinion that he’d have to quit his job to be with you.”

“What?” Laura squeaked. “I’ve never heard anything more ludicrous in my life. Seth would never think that!”

“Then why is he drinking himself to death in between scouting all over town for a job that will pay him a decent enough wage to support a family of four?”

Heart pumping hard, Laura froze. “He’s doing that?”

“Susan...” Michael warned again.

“I’m sorry, Michael.” She cut him off before he could say anything more. “But I won’t see my brother kill himself over something it might be possible to fix. Anyway, I certainly can’t hurt him any more than he’s already hurting himself.”

“Laura.” Susan turned back, her gaze intent, full of purpose. “Do you have a problem with Seth being out of town for much of the week?”

She shook her head. “That’s the way it’s always been.”

“Right. So why does he think it has to stop?”

“I have no idea.”

“I don’t know, either,” Susan said, frowning. Like a helpless child Laura simply waited for Susan to come up with an explanation.

“Because he can’t be a proper father to those children if he’s gone all the time.” Michael’s words fell quietly into the room.

“Who says?” Susan asked defensively.