My Babies and Me

“Yeah.” He’d expected more, but maybe his dad thought he had to protect Michael, too, from his own dissatisfactions. Didn’t Sam realize that Michael had known for years about his dad’s regrets, how he’d lived vicariously through Michael’s career moves?

“You had a

better offer?” So Sam’s hopes hadn’t been dashed yet.

“Nope.”

“You’ve finally decided to slow down then? Live some?”

What?

“I’m going into business for myself,” he said, too confused to do anything but report the facts. “Financial consulting.”

“Isn’t that a bit risky?”

Here it came. “Yes, frankly, it is, but with my contacts, I’ve already got enough business lined up to keep me busy.”

“Not too busy, I hope.”

“I don’t get it, Dad. I thought you’d be disappointed in me.”

“Hell, no!”

Michael sat straight down, only half aware that the couch was there to catch him. He’d never heard his dad swear in his life. “I don’t worry much about Bob,” Sam said, shocking Michael further. “His job’s steady, he’s got a good wife. And the twins, they both married fine, hardworking men, and they’ve got your mother. But you—” Stunned, Michael just sat there listening.

“All you’ve got is money and that can’t warm a fella’s heart much.”

“But—”

“Don’t get me wrong, son, I’m mighty proud of everything you do, brag around town about you every chance I get, but I’d trade it all for you to have even half the time, the love, I’ve had with your mother all these years.”

“But—”

“I thought when you married, Susan, well, maybe... But I guess the time wasn’t right.”

“You could have been an engineer or a scientist or something,” Michael blurted, beyond caring that he sounded more like his brother than the educated man he was.

“And then I wouldn’t have had you.”

“Didn’t you ever wish you hadn’t?” Michael wished he could take the words back the instant he heard them. Those thoughts belonged to no one but himself.

“Is that what you thought?”

“Who could blame you, Dad?” he said. Now that he’d brought it up, they might as well get it all out.

“Never, not for one instant, have I regretted having you,” Sam said. Michael had never heard his dad so angry at him. At Bob, maybe. But not at him.

“How could you not?” He’d known since he was just a kid that he’d been responsible for ruining his father’s life.

“Son, that’s something I can’t explain to you. Only a parent understands how it feels to hold your firstborn in your arms, to actually know the joy that surpasses all understanding, to feel the awe. To know that, God willing, this being will be a part of you for the rest of your life—and beyond. No scientist could ever invent something as great as that.”

For a man who couldn’t remember ever being choked up, Michael was having a hard time finding his voice.

“I, uh, have something else to tell you, Pop,” he finally said.

“What’s that, son?”

“You’re going to have a bit more of that joy coming up really soon.”