“I was devastated when I lost Mom and Dad,” Lillie said. “Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to make it. A year later, I was still having panic attacks. But then I was also getting ready to graduate from an elite university with a near-perfect grade point average. And eight years later, while I still miss them terribly, I get up every morning with joy in my heart. I’m living a life I love, working in a career I love, surrounded by friends I love.”
Caroline didn’t know about baby Braydon. She didn’t need to know. No one in Shelter Valley did.
Straightening her light pink scrub top, Lillie turned her chair until it was completely facing Caroline, rested her elbows on the arms and gripped the chair with both hands.
“So you think I’m not a bad mother if I take this trip with John?”
“Of course you’re not!” She put every ounce of passion she had in that answer. “Quite the opposite. You’re doing your children a huge disservice if you let fear of what might happen keep you from living. Because they’ll learn by your example....”
Her words faded off.
Had her phone just rung? She’d turned the volume up, but in her purse the sound would have been muffled.
Which mattered not at all. If Jon Swartz called, he’d leave a message. Or call back.
Or not, if he’d decided that she’d helped Abraham enough.
She hadn’t.
She thought of the boy’s solitary play, of the tantrum he’d thrown at the day care the day before when the teacher announced that it was snack time and all of the other kids hurried to their places on their washable mats. Abe had already been sitting in his spot but had burst into a screaming fit.
And now was not the time.... She purposely pushed all thoughts of Jon and Abraham Swartz away.
Caroline’s face was lined and Lillie hated to see her so stressed. Caro was the one who always found the positive in any moment. She was the embodiment of the person that Lillie Henderson strove to be.
“You know that there’s as much possibility of something bad happening to you here as there is in Italy.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “But it’s so far away.”
“It’s natural to experience separation anxiety. The kids are going to face it, too, when you go to Italy and when it’s time for them to go away to summer camp and, later, college. Or when they get a job offer that’s too good to pass up. You want them to give in to that fear and stay home with you and John forever?”
Her friend stuck out her tongue.
“You’re five hours away from Jesse. And you don’t love or care for him any less than you do the babies.”
“I know.” Caroline shook her head, her expression unreadable.
“What?” Lillie asked, growing more concerned. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Her cell phone rang. She heard it loud and clear, blurting from inside her purse. She looked at the leather satchel under her desk. Caroline stared at it, too.
“Do you need to get that?”
“No. The doctors know I’m here. If there was a medical emergency they’d try my office phone first.”
It could be Jon. A client. Requiring privacy.
“This isn’t just about a trip to Italy, is it?”
Caroline planted her feet on the floor and leaned forward until the rocker almost tipped her out of her seat. Then she looked up. “Probably not.”
“What is it, then?”
“It’s just... I’ve never... My whole life... It hasn’t been easy, you know? We never had any money. I had to quit school. There was Daddy’s drinking....”
And his rage. Lillie filled in the blanks. Caroline had loved her adoptive father, in spite of his alcoholism.
“Then Jesse’s father...he was the jealous type and didn’t have any money, either. There was debt when he died. And then I end up pregnant by some guy I don’t even know and have to face raising a baby alone, with no money and no education and...”