But Lillie had been there to work.
A mile went by. “You could have said something,” he told her. “You could have suggested we get a stroller.”
“I wanted to observe the two of you together, doing things your way, as you normally would without my interference.”
Had he been stupid to believe that she was there to help him and Abe? Not to separate them?
“And I’m not saying you should have rented a stroller,” Lillie said slowly, as though she was thinking hard about something.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m not forming opinions yet. I’m just watching. Assessing. I’d like to be out with you a couple more times to see how things go before I give suggestions. If that’s okay with you.”
Jon’s heart leaped. Not a comfortable feeling. “That’s fine,” he said, putting a wrap on the part of himself that still stupidly longed for baby and dad and mom makes three. Longed for a woman who’d give her time to them just because she cared and wanted to help them be better together.
“If you’d rather not have me tagging along, we can work out something else....”
Taking his eyes from the road for only the briefest second, Jon glanced at his companion. Her eyebrows were drawn, her mouth a straight line.
And he felt like a fool—painting his happy-family pictures oblivious to what others wanted.
He’d been enjoying a Sunday outing while Lillie had been busy working and probably thinking of all the other things she could—and should—be doing.
Just like Kate had done.
Worse, she might have been spying.
“I’m sure you have better things to do than hang out with us,” he said, letting her off whatever hook she was on. One thing Jon Swartz knew was to let go of women who were finished spending time with him.
She moved and he could feel her looking at him. A mile marker flew by. And then another.
“There’s nothing more fulfilling than helping a child.”
He shot her another glance. She was staring straight at him and he had no idea what to say. “I’m more concerned that I’m pushing myself on you and your son because I believe I can help, than because it’s the appropriate thing to do.”
He didn’t know what to make of that, either.
“You aren’t pushing yourself on us. We’ve agreed upon a fair trade.”
“It’s just that...you have the right to raise your son as you see fit, Jon. I feel like I’m overstepping my professional boundaries here.”
She wasn’t spying. She was just who she said she was. For that moment, his gut knew the truth. Knew, too, that for Abraham’s sake, he had to trust her.
He had to trust someone.
“I need the help.” The admission was tough. Because she was right—they’d made it through the day without a tantrum because sometimes Jon knew how to avoid them. Not because Abraham knew how to cope with life.
“You’re a good father.”
“I’m a single guy learning as I go. It was nice today, having a woman around. Abraham turned to you several times. He was glad to have you there. And it’s occurred to me that maybe that’s part of his problem. He’s a boy, but he’s also a baby. He needs a woman’s influence. Her nurturing...”
More mile markers whizzed past. He’d scared her. He’d done that before, too. Luckily for him, unlike his son, he had the coping skills to deal with it.
“Is his mother in the picture at all?”
Kate Abrams? He’d named their son after her, hoping against hope that some kind of maternal instinct would kick in.
He thought of Clara again. If the worst happened, if Lillie was on Clara’s payroll, he had to trust that she’d realize Abraham was better off with his father than with family money.