A Child's Wish

“Susan, just because you’ve found someone, doesn’t mean that everyone has to.”

“I’m a doctor, Mer, not an idiot.”

“Then stop talking nonsense.”

“You spent Saturday with him.”

“Kelsey felt sorry for me.”

“And that’s why Mark gave up his whole day?”

“Saturday was Kelsey’s choice and she chose me.”

“And that’s why you spent the entire afternoon and evening with Mark Shepherd? Watched a movie with him after his daughter fell asleep? Because Kelsey chose you?”

That was what she got for blabbing to her best friend.

“You were gone and I’d just listened to that horrible radio show. I’d have gone out with an alligator if it had asked.”

“And dinner on Wednesday?”

“To talk about the hearing.”

“What do you feel when you look at him?”

“Attracted.” She heard her answer and stopped. Susan always had been better at twenty questions than she had. Her friend would have made a bang-up lawyer. “He’s an attractive man,” she added. “A woman would have to be dead not to notice.”

“And what about when you think of him?”

“I think I’m still feeling your feelings.”

“Like when you think about kissing him? Or try not to picture him in bed?”

“Yeah. See? It’s all you.”

“I never thought of Mark like that unless I was looking at him. In my thoughts it was always Bud. Or occasionally Steve.”

Then…

“It can’t be me who’s feeling that way, Suze. He’ll break my heart.”

“No, he won’t.”

Meredith heard voices in the hallway, reminding her that she was sitting in a third-grade class that would be filling up with third-grade children in another fifteen minutes. She closed her door, embarrassed that her heart was beating so fast.

“One of us would have to quit our job.”

Susan sighed. “I know. And I’m still stumped there. You both love what you do and you’re great at it. I haven’t figured that part out.”

She couldn’t afford to be disappointed. Her life was already enough of a mess without adding even the possibility of unrequited romance. “Because there’s nothing to figure out,” she said dryly.

“It’s not like you not to be honest with yourself.”

That stung. Smacked of moral turpitude. Enough so, that she calmed down and took a look at what might be lurking inside her. And started to panic.

“I have a class to teach in ten minutes,” she said.

“Do you want him to kiss you again?”