Her Secret Life

Setting her wine down on the round glass umbrella table, she sat forward. “What happened?”

“He was caught giving a joint to a buddy of his. He did it right under a security camera, Kace. He had to have known he’d be seen. It’s like he did it on purpose. The kid is on a one-way mission to prove that he’s no good.”

“Was he arrested?”

“No, he had way less than an ounce on him, even after they searched his truck, which he allowed without a warrant and before I was called. But he’ll probably get a ticket.”

California marijuana laws called an ounce or less an infraction. Something Kacey knew well. She’d never smoked the stuff, but she knew a lot of people who did.

“It’s a hundred-dollar fine,” she said. But the money and the ticket weren’t what was bothering him. “He can get his GED, Michael. He could take the test right now and pass, based on how smart you’ve said he is. And still get into college.” But that wasn’t the whole problem, either.

She imagined him pacing, shot glass in hand. He’d be in jeans with a long-sleeved shirt, probably sleeves rolled down in deference to the cold.

“Have you talked to him?” she asked. “Since you went and got him from school?”

“He’s here now. Inside. Playing video games.”

The little boy who’d begged to be allowed to play. To just have a turn with his big brother. Her heart wrenched.

“What does he say?”

“That kids give each other joints all the time.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I have a meeting with the superintendent tomorrow. I intend to point out that, as Willie says, kids pass joints all the time. I’ll mention his GPA, remind him that Willie has issues that we are working on. And pretty much beg him to make some kind of arrangement that will allow my brother to graduate.”

He was going to do what he always did.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t what?”

“Save his ass. What would happen if you didn’t smooth the way for him every time?”

“You been talking to my sisters?”

“I’ve never met your sisters, as you well know. But I’m assuming, then, that you’ve considered the alternative?”

“I have. I know that it appears I’m enabling him, Kace. But Willie isn’t acting out for attention. Or out of an innate irresponsibility or even a lack of caring. He’s fulfilling a self-prophecy. He believes he’s a loser. That everyone who loves him knows he’s a loser. In his twisted way, he’s trying to be what he believes he has no choice but to be.”

Michael’s words brought tears to her eyes.

“And by standing by him, you show him a different version of himself. A person who’s worth fighting for. You show him you believe. And every time you succeed in smoothing the way, you open the door to that possibility in his mind. That maybe others think he’s worth saving, too.”

“Or that others will do what I ask because they feel sorry for me.” His words came softly.

“Compassion and pity are two different things,” Kacey told him. “And from what you’ve said, this has been going on for years. I suspect that if only pity motivated Willie’s school officials, they’d have stopped giving in to you a long time ago. It sounds like they respect you, Michael. And that they also see potential in Willie. Or if they don’t, they know that if you see the potential, it’s there.”

“I want to believe that.”

“You don’t believe in the potential you see in Willie anymore? You don’t have faith that you’re right?” The idea shocked her. “You believe in me...” she said. And then realized she was doing it again. Bringing it back to herself. She hastened to explain. “You have the empathic ability to see what a person is struggling to be, what they have the potential to be, and you treat them like that’s what they are.”

She felt like an idiot. And took another sip of wine.