“Of course Steve is behind it,” Max said, needing to be completely clear on that one. He didn’t want one ounce of energy taken from the hunt and was very clear on that point. He added, “Steve Smith was very clearly the impetus for Meri’s deciding that it would be best for Caleb that she leave us. I’m just not certain that he’s a current physical threat to her. Our marriage failed—I wasn’t up to the task of being married to a woman who’d spent years being hunted like an animal.”
The soft feminine fingers that covered his weren’t a comfort. “Hey,” Chantel said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I didn’t push her enough about all of the details of her past,” he said. “I told myself it was because it upset her to talk about it and she’d been through counseling and knew what was best for her. I told myself I was respecting her. But the truth is I didn’t push because I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to have to worry. Or be afraid of losing her.”
“You had every reason to believe that her past was in the past,” Chantel said, sounding like a cop now. A professional. Not someone saying what she had to say to comfort a friend. “Victims of abuse leave their situations every single day, Max, and many, many of them move on to new relationships. Healthy and happy relationships. With and without formal counseling. And, as you said, it had been quite some time since Smith had shown up. It was entirely possible that he’d moved on. Or that the restraining order had finally convinced him, a lawman, that he’d best leave her alone. They’re all valid thoughts, Max. And we still have no proof that Smith is back in the picture. We only know he’s a man who has committed atrocious crimes and needs to be off the streets.”
All true. But....
“It takes two to allow a marriage to crumble,” she added. And he nodded.
Meri had made mistakes, too. He got that. Maybe she hadn’t tried hard enough to help him understand the magnitude of the horrors she had gone through. Certainly she hadn’t trusted him. Or given them the chance to work through this latest crisis together before she’d just taken off.
But ultimately, the failure of his marriage rested with him. He’d refused to see the ugliness that his wife had lived with every single day. He’d wanted to pretend and he’d encouraged her to pretend, too.
“Let me ask you something.” Chantel’s soft voice could have been a caress. He hadn’t moved his hand from beneath hers and she didn’t move it either.
He raised a brow to encourage her to continue if she really wanted to. He wasn’t going to ask what she wanted. Wasn’t going to encourage her tha
t completely.
“Did you marry Meredith first and foremost because you were in love with her and didn’t want to live without her, or because she was safe?”
“Safe how? I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“Safe in that she didn’t take risks. Her main priority was to keep your family and your home safe. Because safety, according to you, and from what I’ve seen here, is everything to Meredith.”
He was head over heels in love with Meri. More even than he’d been with Jill, not that he’d tell that to Jill’s best friend.
But was that why he’d asked her to marry him?
He wanted it to be. Wanted to be sure that he’d asked her to be his wife only because he’d loved her and not because he’d also loved her determination to always put safety first.
He just wasn’t sure.
And did it matter at this point? He’d lost her.
He just couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe his marriage was over.
But then it had taken him a couple of years to believe that Jill was gone, too, and he’d seen her pool of blood in the street.
“I don’t know,” he finally told Chantel, pulling his hand from beneath hers to pick up his beer bottle and take a long swig.
She drank, too, watching him, and as she put her bottle down, her expression changed. Like something had come over her.
“I’m going to say something,” she told him, looking him straight in the eye with a voice that was strong and sure.
He waited.
“After Jill died, I thought about calling you, about coming around, but I thought I needed to give you a chance to grieve for her. To heal and be ready to move on. I waited too long and you found Meredith and I thought I’d lost my chance. So I just want it known, right now, that when the dust settles and you get this figured out...if you end up single again, I want to be the first in line.”
He didn’t want to hear it. Not even a little bit.
“I don’t expect you to say anything now,” she continued, not faltering at his silence. “I know that this is really tacky and you couldn’t possibly know, at this point, how you’ll feel after you get through this, no matter who was offering. But a woman doesn’t often get two chances at a dream come true and I’m not going to blow it this time.”
“I have no idea what to say.” She’d taken away the “absolutely no chance” option with her belief that he couldn’t possibly know at this point how he would feel later on down the road.
“I’m not expecting you to say anything.” With her arms folded on the table, she leaned in closer. “Except, maybe, yeah, I guess I am. I’d like you to promise me that if things don’t work out for you and Meri, you’ll at least give me a chance.”