Reaching under Steve’s shoulders, she scraped her knuckles on the carpet and pulled upward, from his shoulder blade to his neck and up to his scalp. Widening her range.
She didn’t speak anymore. Relax, she sent the word silently. Relax....
She’d lived because she’d disobeyed her father. She’d left her seat belt unbuckled.
And she’d done it because she’d listened to herself, to her own instincts. Probably to her child’s inner voice. She’d trusted herself. And she’d lived.
Chills spread through her.
And she heard Lila’s voice in her mind, telling her she wasn’t to blame for Steve’s violence. She’d chosen to marry a like soul for all the right reasons. And somewhere along the way, Steve had made some very bad choices. Choices that were prompted by bad things that had happened to him, yes, but still his choices.
Not hers.
I deserve to be happy.
The words were loud in Meredith’s mind. Drowning out every other thought. Every impression, until all she saw was sunlight.
And Lila. An indefatigable spirit that floated in and out of people’s lives without seemingly having one of her own. An angel with secrets she wouldn’t share.
Just like Meredith had had secrets she didn’t share.
“Steve?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
“I need you to do something for me.”
“Sure, love, anything.”
“I need you to let me go.”
The muscles beneath her fingers bunched and Meredith slid back and away from the man she’d allowed to steal too many years of her life. Standing, as calm as she’d ever been, she moved as far away from him as she could get, keeping her arms behind her.
She was ready to die if it came to that.
“What on earth are you talking about?” He was sitting up, eyes open, looking confused.
“I need you to let me walk away.”
It was an impossible order. She recognized that even as she issued it. And pressed forward because there was no other course.
“You promised never to leave me again.”
“I promised not to run from you. I need you to let me go, instead.”
“Are you crazy?” The tone in his
voice warned of building anger. Of violence to come. And she stood her ground unafraid.
“You have a problem, Steve. Created by your father, but driven by something inside you. And I can’t live with the constant threat of your violence.” Meredith’s tone faltered as the woman she’d been surfaced. The young, vulnerable woman who’d had her heart, her trust and her body broken.
On her journey to find and return the younger Steve to the room, she’d connected to her younger self, too.
A complication she hadn’t planned on.
He was standing, hands on his hips. “You know I can’t do what you’re asking, Meredith. And I’m not the one with the problem. Anything that happens to you, you bring on yourself.”
Meredith was proud of herself. She didn’t back up. Or back down. “No, Steve, your inability to control your temper or your fists is not my fault.”