She felt the small touch as Max reacted to Maddie’s words. “Yes, Maddie, I would love that,” she said, and turned to introduce her husband to Renee—and then to Carly and Latoya. And many of the other women she’d had the pleasure of getting to know during one of the absolute worst times of her life.
It wasn’t easy, living with the aftermath of domestic abuse. There were parts of Meredith that would never be what they once were. She was wiser. Less naive. Her innocence was gone.
She was aware of a depth of pain, mental, emotional and physical, that many people would never understand.
“I love you, sweetheart,” Max whispered in her ear as she sat with him at the head table and listened while one after another of the residents stopped by and told her that they’d been praying for her, that it was so good to see her, and that she was an inspiration to them.
“I love you, too,” she told Max. And stood up.
Lila had used a microphone earlier, and now Meredith picked it up.
“Excuse me,” she said and waited until she had everyone’s attention. “First off, I want to thank you....” She stopped, started to cry, got herself under control, and then continued, looking at Max, “We want to thank you.” His smile was warm. Tender. Imbued with an emotion she fully understood, a very private message to her that would be with her forever, in this life and beyond. And for her alone.
Someone coughed.
“Sorry,” Meredith said, trying to smile, but not doing such a great job of it. What she had to say was extremely important.
“Ladies, apparently I am the guest of honor at this party because I’m having a baby....” She broke off as the yard filled with cheers and applause. “But!” She held up a hand. “But...” she said again. “I am not the heroine of anyone’s story. I made a very, very serious mistake, my sisters. I almost paid with my life.”
She searched the crowd. Looking for one face. Not knowing if it was out there or not.
“I was offered help,” she said, still searching. “I had the chance to trust. And I didn’t do it. I thought I could handle my situation on my own. I was certain I had to. Because....” She paused again. Swallowed back the tears. “Because I was so certain I’d done all of my work, that I was cured and my only problem was the fact that my abuser wouldn’t leave me alone. I felt like the system had let me down. Counseling and shelters had let me down. And I was so, so wrong. I wasn’t healed. I was as much a victim of Steve Smith’s abuse while I was here among you, as I was during all those years he hunted me. Because he made me believe that I was all alone. He had me so deeply manipulated that I felt like I was a
lone when I was sleeping next to the man I love with all my heart.” She looked at Max, whose expression was filled with an emotion and strength she would never forget. “I felt alone no matter where I was. Even when I was here with you all, especially when I was here with you all, I felt alone.”
She broke off and searched the crowd again.
“But I wasn’t alone. And one woman showed me that. Without counseling. Without knowing my story or giving me any advice, she somehow managed to show me, with the help of each and every one of you, that I wasn’t alone at all.
“And when I lay on that bathroom floor...dying....” She stopped. Waited until she could speak again, and focused on the trees in the distance, the ones that lined the Garden of Renewal. “That one face was there,” she continued. “And the voice. It was in my head. I can’t tell you what it said. It was drowned out by my husband’s,” she said with complete honesty and a grin toward Max, and the entire crowd laughed through their tears. “What I’m trying to say is you aren’t alone. Please, please, if I am to be any kind of example, let it be an example of what not to do. Don’t ever think you have to face your abuser alone.”
She glanced at Max, and snippets from every one of the late night talks they’d shared over the past five weeks floated in and out of her mind.
“You can’t have Max, he’s mine,” she said, pausing while everyone laughed again. “But there is always someone. Someone who’s been there. Someone who understands. Who knows exactly how the pain feels, whether it be mental, emotional or physical. Find that someone, my sisters, each and every time you are struggling, anytime you feel alone, most certainly anytime you think you have to handle something on your own, find that someone. I guarantee you, she’s there.”
As she said the last words, a movement by the Garden caught her eye. And she saw the woman she’d been seeking. She was coming out of the Garden, but as her face turned toward her, Meredith knew that Lila had heard every word she’d said.
And knew she’d been talking about her.
* * *
“WOULD IT BE crass to say that I miss having sex with my wife?” Max half groaned the words as he lay next to Meredith in their bed that Sunday night. He was admittedly a little full of himself.
He had the most amazing wife in the world. He’d arranged that evening to volunteer at The Lemonade Stand, and to be a part of a growing list of financial donors to the facility, as well. He’d married a victim of domestic violence. The truth wasn’t going to go away.
And while Steve Smith was being held without bail on charges of kidnapping, abuse and first degree murder, he knew that there was a chance the man would be free again someday. He also knew that nothing that could happen on earth was going to take Meredith out of his heart or away from him.
“It wouldn’t be crass,” she said. And then, when he did no more than nudge his nose against her neck, said, “So are you saying it?”
Was there doubt in that voice? He reared up, looking down at her perfect features in the glow of the night-light plugged into the wall. “You’re kidding, right?”
She wasn’t kidding.
“Hell, Meri, it’s about killing me not to make love to you. I wake up with a hard-on at least twice a night....” He probably hadn’t needed to be that crude, but if she thought...
“I... You haven’t even French kissed me once since...”
Up on one elbow now, he smoothed the hair away from her forehead, careful not to touch the soft spot on her skull where her ex had hit her. “You’re recovering from a very brutal beating, Meredith,” he said in his best doctor’s voice. “And your mouth needed time to heal.”