Damn.
He still wasn’t sure he could ever atone for one. How in hell would he make up for two?
For deserting two?
Shaking his head, Matt lowered his hands, keys clutched in one fist, to his lap. That last thought had snuck up on him. Caught him unawares. He was deserting his own child. Children.
He, they, were going to grow up knowing their father hadn’t wanted them.
How could he do that to him? To them?
And yet, considering his own childhood, the judgments passed on him because of his father’s sins, how could he not?
“Matt?”
He turned to find Phyllis looking at him, her eyes completely lucid now and filled with concern.
“It’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
“The fact that there are two babies, instead of one. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t have to affect you at all.”
“It means I’m twice as responsible.”
“No!”
“Yes.”
“I’m not going to have you beating yourself up over this,” she insisted.
But she was too late.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TWINS. TWICE THE WORK. Twice the bills. Twice the diapers and bottles and cribs. Twice the high chairs, the pacifiers, the clothes. Twice the love.
And twice the amount of time she was seeing Matt, too. Phyllis was going through the box of Christmas decorations Matt had lifted down for her from the shelf in her garage. He was taking her to get a tree, and because she knew him well enough to know he’d insist on stringing the lights for her when they got back, she wanted everything ready.
She felt really guilty for taking up so much of his time—even more of it, now that he knew there were two babies “to make up for,” as he put it.
As if he needed to make up for them at all!
She wished he could see that he’d given her the greatest gift she’d ever had.
It had only been two days since the ultrasound, and he’d already painted the nursery. At this rate, he could have an entirely new house built for these children before they ever put in an appearance.
She was ready and waiting, wearing black jeans with a maternity panel—borrowed from Tory—and a thick cream-colored sweater when Matt came to the door. She told him about her most recent meeting with Sophie as they drove outside town to the lot where everyone had told her to get her tree.
“She’s planning to stay in Shelter Valley for Christmas,” Phyllis said. “I guess her mother mentioned a new boyfriend who’s going to be spending the holiday at their house, and Sophie can’t bear the thought of being around for the wooing process of husband number six.”
“Yeah,” Matt said, driving slowly through town. “She told me the same thing. Poor kid.”
“I guess there’s one dorm that’s kept open during the break, and everyone who’s staying on campus moves there for those weeks.”
Matt nodded. “I’ve heard about that. They do a gift exchange and cater a Christmas dinner for them.”
“Apparently there are some pretty wild parties, too.” Or at least Sophie wanted her to believe there were.