Another Man's Child

“I need to operate,” the doctor said, and the flurry increased The noise was too loud, hurting his ears, and then suddenly all he could hear was crying. Lisa crying. Or was it him?

Marcus sat up, his body drenched with sweat, which cooled his skin in the night air. His gaze flew to Lisa. She was breathing softly, regularly, her lovely face nestled in a corner of his pillow.

His gaze strayed to the mound Lisa’s belly made beneath the covers. Please, God, let us get through this. All of us.

LISA WAS IN THE DEN, reading literature she’d just received on a new strain of flu virus, while Marcus was on the telephone in their office. They’d both been in the office until Marcus’s conversation with George Blake had distracted Lisa to the point where she couldn’t concentrate.

It was Monday, one week before Christmas, and she and Marcus were planning to go Christmas shopping. But first she had a presentation to prepare. She was going to be speaking at the free clinic staff meeting on Tuesday about this new strain of flu, and she wanted the staff well-informed. There had only been a couple of cases in New Haven thus far, but in other parts of New England the virus was rampant. The free clinic was bound to be hit the hardest.

It usually started with a headache followed by—Lisa stopped reading as she felt a peculiar jolt in her belly. Her heart rate practically doubled as she sat completely still, waiting to see if it would happen again. It did. Another little jolt. And then another.

Grinning from ear to ear, Lisa ran down the hall toward the office, bursting with joy at this, the first definite movement of her baby. She had to tell Marcus.

He was still on the phone, but she rushed in, anyway, hoping he’d get a chance to feel the miracle, too. He looked up at her, a question in his eyes, and it was in that second it dawned on Lisa. He wouldn’t want to know her news. Marcus didn’t want to be his baby’s father. He wasn’t going to share in the little joys that parents share. Shaking her head at him, she turned and left the office, the rumble of his voice on the telephone nearly drowned out by the roaring in her ears.

She couldn’t stand it. Dear God, she couldn’t live a lifetime of having every cause for celebration turned into a moment of sadness. What would happen when her child said his first word, took his first step, made the school play or hit a home run? When he came running into the house to share his news only to have his bubble burst by an indifferent father?

Lisa wandered upstairs, telling herself it wouldn’t be like that, it wouldn’t be that bad. Marcus wasn’t heartless the way his own father had been. He’d come around. She went into the nursery, the room she and Marcus had built together—so much like they’d planned that she’d actually forgotten for a time that Marcus had done it all for her, not for their baby.

Sitting down in one of the rockers they’d brought over from their bedroom, she picked up the Raggedy Andy doll and hugged it against her.

“Don’t worry, little one. Your daddy’s a good man, a fair man, and a very loving man. He’ll come around for you. You’ll see.”

The baby chose that moment to kick her again, harder than the first couple of times. Hard enough that Marcus would for sure have been able to feel it if he’d put his hand there. Lisa buried her face in Andy’s soft cloth chest, using the toy to stifle her sobs.

BETH HADN’T SEEN much of Lisa in the weeks since the anniversary of John’s death. True, her professional services for Lisa were done. And she was really very busy, with more and more couples seeking the services of the fertility clinic. Furthermore, she knew how important it was that Lisa and Marcus have as much time as possible alone together as they passed through this crucial adjustment period in their marriage.

But she was avoiding Lisa.

Beth sat in her office late on Friday, the Friday before Christmas, and faced a few more home truths.

Oliver wasn’t coming. The holiday was only two days away. She’d already told Lisa she wouldn’t be spending the day with them, that she was driving upstate to see her cousin again, but she’d bought something for Oliver, anyway. It was nothing momentous, just a tie she thought would look good with the tweed jackets he favored, one that was just a little bit wider than the ones he had. She pulled the gaily wrapped package out of her desk drawer, staring at it as if it had answers to the questions that were eluding her. Oliver had missed two out of the last four Fridays. Both of them since they’d sat together in his gazebo.

She was disappointed. More disappointed than she had any business being.

Oliver had been John’s colleague. He was her best friend’s father. He was fifteen years older than she was. He was still in love with his wife. And Beth still tingled whenever she thought of the way he’d kissed her.

Which was often. More often than she cared to admit.

She looked at the clock on her wall one more time. It was an hour past the time Oliver usually stopped by. No. He definitely wasn’t coming.

Picking up her purse, Beth shrugged into her coat, locked up and headed home. To the memories of her dead husband.

She was glad Oliver was backing off from their friendship. He wasn’t right for her. Not at all.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, sweetheart.”

&nb

sp; “Merry Christmas, Lis. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Marcus asked, concerned that he’d been a little too inventive. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him lately. It was almost as if, now that the pressure was off him to give Lisa the baby she wanted, now that he didn’t have to feel guilty for his inability to give her that child, he was free to really let his passion loose.

“Uh-uh.” She shook her head lazily, her eyes slumberous as she smiled up at him, her long dark hair in disarray across both pillows. There was a blizzard outside, making their large bedroom seem almost cozy. “Not that I have much to go on, mind you, but you’ve got to be the best lover in the world.”

“I’ll bet you say that to all the guys,” he murmured softly, gazing down at her naked body. They’d shared most of the holiday with Oliver, and Marcus had enjoyed every minute of it, but it was these moments alone with Lisa that he’d been waiting for.

“You are all the guys in my life.” She looked as if she wanted to say more, but wasn’t sure she should. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Lis.”