A Son's Tale

How did he do that? How did he turn things around and make her feel okay?

“Beyond all of that, I have to tell you what’s on my mind, Morgan.”

She tensed. “Okay.”

“Two things. First, you have to believe in yourself. The judge can’t believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself.”

He told her about a student of his, without naming names. Morgan didn’t even know if the boy who’d dropped out of school six times was a current student or a former one. But she knew that he’d finally earned a degree. Long after his parents had given up on him.

“This is so much bigger than a college degree,” she said. But she wanted to be the boy in the story.

“I’m not arguing that, only saying that in everything in life you have a much better shot at being the best you can be if you believe in yourself. It sounded like you weren’t giving the judge the best of you today, but rather giving him the same you your parents see.”

He had a point. One that mattered. “You said you had two things on your mind.”

Nodding, he glanced down at his hands and then said, “I agree that all boys should have a positive male influence in their lives. But I am equally sure that a young man desperately needs his mother. Sammie desperately needs you.”

“I—”

“No.” He held up a hand. “Let me finish because I have a feeling what I’m about to say will never be spoken aloud again as long as I live.”

She stared at him, completely open to whatever was coming.

“A mother shows a young man how to love, Morgan.” He spoke so softly she barely heard him. His throat sounded dry. Choked. And she sat still, as if to move would break something that was priceless.

“My father was the best dad I’ve ever known or seen. His unconditional and selfless love for me, his sacrifice, can never be matched and I owe him my life. But even with all of that, I’m not sure I ever learned how to love.”

“You obviously love your father.”

“Of course I do. I’m talking about intimate love. Man-woman type of love.”

Confused, Morgan chose her words carefully. Was he telling her he was gay? Because he was raised in an all-male world? She’d never believe it.

“What about Kelsey Barber?” she asked. And there’d been women before her. Morgan had heard the rumors.

“I don’t lack female companionship,” he told her, and somehow coming from him it didn’t sound like bragging at all. “I enjoy women. I sleep with them—one relationship at a time. But I don’t love them. I choose women who are willing to date monogamously without long-term commitment. Women who value their independence and freedom more than they value me.”

“That sounds horrible.”

“Up until recently, I thought it sounded perfect.”

“And now?”

He looked away and she thought he wasn’t going to answer her. She didn’t blame him. They’d somehow gone from her parenting skills to a place they shouldn’t be. She wasn’t even sure how they got there.

“Looking back, I realize there was always something missing in my relationships.”

“What brought about the change?”

“I have no idea,” he said, gazing back at her. That lost look in his eyes reminded her of Sammie, when he was trying so hard to understand why he couldn’t have his way. “I just know that the other night, with Kelsey…” He shook his head. “Anyway, I broke things off with her.”

Morgan’s heart started to pound.

“You broke up with her and you don’t even know why?”

He shrugged. “Sounds crazy, huh? But yeah, that’s about how it went.”

“I’ll bet she had something to say about that.” Morgan felt a little bit like smiling, but she felt sorry for the woman, too.