In the Still of the Night

‘I thought you liked talking about your Annie? If you don’t, never mind, we’ll talk about anything you like.’

Trudie subsided, her little flurry of temper gone. ‘I just don’t want you telling anyone what I say – reporters are always trying to get sleezy stories on stars. And Derek Fenn has plenty of sleeze in his life; he’s a drunk, can’t stay off the stuff. Why d’you think his career went down the drain? He was at the top once, now look at him … grateful to play a bit part for peanuts. My Annie would never have let him lay a hand on her, though, don’t worry! But she never forgets he got her her first big chance.’ Trudie leaned back, sighing, closing her tired eyes, remembering those days. ‘She almost never made it in the business. She said to me, “It’s over, Mum, I’ll never be an actress now.” It broke my heart.’ She sighed heavily. ‘I wanted to be an actress when I was a girl – my parents wouldn’t hear of it. From the minute my little Annie was born I was determined she was going to get what I didn’t. I knew she would make it, there was always something special about her – oh, she wasn’t pretty, but I knew somehow, always knew, she could be a star.’

‘She’s that, alright!’

‘I made sure of that. If I hadn’t pushed her she’d never have taken that job with Derek Fenn. But nobody was standing between my Annie and her future, nobody! That bastard! If I could have got my hands on him I’d have killed him. She was all for giving up; I had to do something fast or it would all have been over. But my little nest egg had run out by then, I was short of money myself.’

‘Why did Annie need money? Was this for drama school?’

The old woman opened her eyes then and gave the nurse a sharp, narrow, wary look.

‘I didn’t say she needed money.’

‘Yes, you did, you said …’

‘I never said any such thing. I was talking about the show. Good tonight, it was, although I hate that superintendent … what’s that actor’s name? Too pretty, teeth too white, smiles too much, over acts, but thinks he’s the cat’s whiskers.’

Cinders never made her feel she was going crazy just because she forgot things now and then. ‘Mike Waterford.’

‘Mike Waterford, that’s right,’ she said with satisfaction. ‘Thinks he’s God’s gift, doesn’t he? My Annie can’t stand him.’

‘So the press stories aren’t true? She isn’t having an affair with him?’

‘With Mike Waterford! Never on a Sunday. No, she hates the man. My Annie hasn’t got any time for men now. One man let her down badly … No, she doesn’t want any men around her now. Pity, she’s a lovely girl, but she’s learnt you can’t trust them.’

‘Not even Derek Fenn?’

‘He’s different,’ the old woman reluctantly admitted. ‘He’s a bit of a bastard, too, but he came along just at the right moment, I’ll say that for him. He saw her act at drama school and came round to see us, and offer her this part in a TV series he was doing – I’d prayed and dreamed about a chance like that for her, and I had to tell him the silly little bitch had got herself knocked up.’

‘What?’

The startled voice made Trudie jump. ‘What’s wrong?’ she whimpered. ‘What did I say?’

‘You said she had a baby. I never heard about any baby.’

Whispering, Trudie said, ‘No, you’re lying, I never mentioned a baby.’

‘You just said …’

‘There was no baby!’ Trudie looked over the nurse’s white shoulder, checked the whole ward, as if she was passing on state secrets, then whispered, ‘She couldn’t have it, see? She was just starting her career, she was only a kid herself. A baby would have ruined her life. She had this marvellous chance offered to her, but she couldn’t take it because she would have started to show before they began filming. Derek Fenn said, “Get rid of it. You’ve got star quality,” he said, “don’t waste it.” But we didn’t have the money. I only just kept us going with what I earned in the shop, it was a real struggle for me. Derek Fenn lent us the money, he paid for the abortion and took it out of her salary over the next few months.’

‘An abortion? Annie … had an abortion?’

‘I said to her … “these days plenty of girls do, it’s legal, it will be safe.” She had it done by a proper doctor. She went in one day and was out the next, it was all very quick and simple.’

‘Who was the father?’ Cinders hoarsely asked.

‘Nobody you’d know – some stupid boy who lodged with us for a while, nobody important.’

Trudie closed her eyes, her lips moving silently, her worn hands clenching on the bedclothes.

‘Nobody, he was nobody,’ she mumbled barely audibly.

The nurse watched her, realising she had drifted off again.

It was a moment or two before Trudie opened her eyes with a start, stared at Cinders wildly.

‘Where am I? Who are you? You’re … you’re … what are you doing here?’ She opened her mouth wide on a gasp of panic. ‘Where am I? Where’s my Annie? Stay away from me!