Sweetness (Bold As Love 1)

Even though I tried my hardest not to think of the way my dad felt about me, sometimes I just couldn’t help myself. Yes, he was angry that my mom died. I was angry too. I knew my dad blamed me because I didn’t come home in time to save her. I didn’t come home in time to call 911 and get her to the hospital and there was a chance she could’ve lived a little longer. Nevertheless, I wanted to hang out after practice with the guys and my mom died because of it.

“Jake?” Emily’s sweet, timid voice brought me back to the conversation.

“I’m here, Emily.”

“When will Drake be here?”

“We will be there in an hour. He really wants to play with his car. I thought that we could go to the park and he could play with it there before it gets too cold to go.”

“Ok.”

“Ok. I’ll pick you up.”

With that, I hauled myself out of bed and across the hall to Drake’s room and told him to get ready. I showered, dressed, and was finishing the final touches when Drake stuck his head into my room. I walked out of the adjoining bathroom and he rushed over to hug me tightly.

“Thanks.”

“For what,” I asked, returning the hug.

“For taking me to Emily’s,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which I guess it was. One point for Drake.

I picked him up and saw that he was beaming. “You really like her, huh?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “She’s really fun, Jake. More fun than you even.”

With a skeptical face, I asked, “Oh, really?”

Another nod. He leaned in close, as if he were sharing a secret, and whispered, “Plus she’s really pretty, don’t you think?”

He was looking at me as if the survival of humankind depended on my answer. “That she is, Drake. That she is.”

He grinned. “Well, let’s go!”

7

Emily

On the way to the park, my mother’s voice was pounding in my head.

“You will never be good enough for anyone.”

“You are a disgrace to this family.”

“Your father left me, me a wonderful woman, because you are nothing but an attention seeking brat.”

“I don’t know how your friends can even stand to be around you! You want all the attention for yourself. You aren’t the brightest crayon in the box and you aren’t even close to being pretty. I don’t know how your father and I could even produce such an ugly girl.”

“Let’s not forget about that voice. I bet it is just music to your ears, isn’t it? Well, to me and to everyone else, it sounds like a nail running down a chalkboard. I can’t even stand the sound of your voice anymore.”

“You disgust me!”

“You are the lowest of the low. You are worse than the feared Untouchables in some country out east. You aren’t even worth my breath because you are so pathetic.”

“And so worthless! You couldn’t do a damn thing if your life depended on it.”

My mother whom I loved so much, my mother whom I practically worshipped, my mother whom I still missed. Maybe it’s best my father came that day and took me away. Now I wouldn’t be such a leech in her presence. Now she couldn’t pimp me out to her “boyfriends”.

But what about my father? What about Jake and Drake? What about everyone? Surely, if my mother, the person who loved me unconditionally, saw me this way and would treat me this way, then so would everyone else. My mother wouldn’t lie to me. What she had said had to be true. Otherwise, why was I friendless? Why wasn’t I living with her, if I wasn’t such a horrible daughter and person? Why would she sell my body for drugs and booze?