“Oh, Emily. I’m so sorry.”
Fresh tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. After a good crying session, I ever so softly whispered four words. “I like you too.”
He chuckled. “We can go slow, really slow. Or nothing at all…whatever you want.” Whatever I wanted. I squeezed my eyes tighter. There we were, standing on the side of a street embracing in the middle of the night.
“I just want to go home,” I said still talking to his chest. I didn’t want to look at him.
“Okay, I’ll walk you.” He reached behind his back, took my arms from around him and intertwined one of my hands with his. Stepping back from Jake, I avoided looking at him and began to walk home. We didn’t talk, but every now and again, I could feel Jake glancing at me.
Soon enough we were standing in front of my house. Jake walked me up to my door. He leaned down, kissed my forehead, and said, “Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams,” I replied, opening the door quietly. I closed it behind me and locked it. Taking a deep breath, I went to my room and promptly fell asleep.
School had been boring so far. My mind was in a jumble as I avoided eyes and talking, all the while thinking about that kiss. I also doubted myself in the decision to tell Jake about my mother. Would he tell the whole school?
I was sitting at my usual table alone at lunch when Jake’s deep voice said hello.
I looked up as he sat down in front of me. “What are you doing?”
“I’m eating lunch.”
“No duh. Why are you sitting with me?”
“Well I can’t exactly sit with them after Saturday,” he said nodding his head towards where he usually sat with Claire and the others. “Plus, I´d rather sit with you,” he added.
I looked slowly around the cafeteria. Many people were looking our way. It wasn’t every day that a star hockey player sat with the girl who didn’t talk. “You are causing too much attention,” I said softly.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, time to begin.”
I looked up at him, curious. “Begin what?” I asked.
“I said I was going to help you and that’s what I intend to do. Let’s start with eye contact and talking. I’m going to close my eyes and I want you to look at my eyelids. I’ll ask pointless questions and you´ll answer them.”
“How will you eat without looking?”
“I’m going to take quick breaks.” He closed his eyes. “Okay. Favorite color?”
I looked at his eyelids. “Blue.”
“Favorite day?”
“Saturday. Jake, this is weird.”
One eye opened and he smiled. “Would you rather I open them?”
I shook my head and he closed his eye again. He began asking me about all my favorite things and then switched to things like my name, his name, etc. “When’s your birthday?”
“October 11th. When’s your birthday?”
He opened his eyes and said, “Hey! I’m supposed to be asking the questions.” I giggled and looked away. “It’s February 3rd. That’s good enough for today.”
I had to ask the question that was on my mind. I stared at the cafeteria food on my Styrofoam plate. “You won’t tell anyone will you?” I asked, referring to my past.
“Absolutely not.” Relieved, I was able to finish my meal before the bell rang to dismiss us for class.
My next and last class was the one with Jake. He walked by my side to class. It made me uneasy. People were noticing and I didn’t want to be noticed. Jake leaned down and asked me, “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine,” I snapped and rushed into the class, leaving him behind. My iPod was in my bag and I was trying to decide if I wanted it or not. Nerves getting the best of me, I reached down and grabbed it. I put in my earphones and found John Mayer. His music could always soothe me. I didn’t want to listen to “Monster” today.