“Too much,” I attempted a laugh. My dad wrapped his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Should I be worried?”
I wasn’t sure if he was talking about what I was thinking or what he saw when he glanced at Jake and me. “Worried about what?” I asked.
“Anything and everything.”
I bit my lip. “I don’t think so. I hope not.”
“Well, you know that you can come and talk to me about anything. If you would rather write it instead of talking about it, that’s fine too. I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”
“I know.”
“Well, let’s go fix something for dinner.”
“Can we eat out instead? I could go get pizza…I just feel like driving around. It’ll help clear my head.”
“Take all the time you need. I don’t mind waiting.”
With that, I went inside to find my keys and wallet. Once found, I went driving. I drove and drove. It was like when I was running. If I felt like turning, I did. I knew this county pretty well. There was no need to worry about getting lost.
Nevertheless, I did worry. It was just hard for me to imagine that my mom lied to me. But between Jake, my dad and Drake, she had to be lying, didn’t she? On the other hand, was it everyone else that was lying? My mom, my best friend, how could she say those things to me if they weren’t true? How could she do those things to me if I wasn’t as horrible as she described me?
Or what if she thought what she said was true? Did my mom really think I was that horrible?
Yes. Without a doubt.
I had heard the hatred in her voice. I had seen the disgust in her eyes. How could I just ignore that and accept the love that these people gave me? What if they turned against me like my mom? I couldn’t stand for another person to hate me the way my mom did. It hurt so much to lose the one person I loved most. How could I trust Jake? I barely knew him and I was expected to accept what he was saying?
I shook my head. I still didn’t understand why. What did I do to cause that hatred? How did I keep from making that mistake again?
With that train of thought, I bought a pizza from Domino’s and went home.
10
Jake
Ever since my dad started drinking and I had to take over the responsibilities, I was a good cook if I said so myself. I didn’t know what I would do if he ever allowed his drinking to consume him so much that it affected his work.
The menu tonight was spaghetti. After almost burning the garlic bread, I put the food on our plates and called Drake down for supper. Dad, being dad, stayed in his room. Drake ran down the stairs.
As soon as he sat down, he was cramming down food. “Take it easy, Drake. You don’t have to eat it all at once.”
He slowed down and began to eat like normal. “Hey, Jake, do you think Emily will take me to your game tomorrow?”
Oh, man. I had forgotten about that. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. I don’t have to be at school until five, so I can get you.” His shoulders slumped. “What? You don’t like hanging out with your big brother anymore?”
“Are we going to do something fun?”
“After we finish our homework, sure.”
“Like what?”
I racked my brain. “We can play that new video game you got.” His smile returned and he seemed happy with that.
After we finished dinner, he went upstairs to play in his room. I washed dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge. Dad could fend for himself. Grabbing my book bag, I went up to my room, fell onto my bed, and started on my own homework. I turned on the TV and watched George Lopez.
Around ten, I finished just as my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Emily. I left my phone on my bed and walked across the hall to Drake’s room. He was playing his new video game.