“I know. I won. I can tell by your moans that I clearly won.” She smiles, and it takes my breath away. That may just be the first truly genuine, one hundred percent happy smile she’s given me. It starts to slip. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re beautiful.”
She rolls her eyes. “I think between it being so late and you being on a sugar-high, you’re becomi
ng delusional. You should go.”
Except I don’t want to. Who in their right mind would want to walk away from a woman like Elizabeth at any point?
“Come home with me.”
That is not the right thing to say. She locks up on me. Damn it. Why isn’t there a way to know what’s going to scare her off and what won’t?
“You wanted to see where I live,” I add, hoping that will help. What’s the difference in her staying at my place for the night and me staying here? Maybe it’s because she’s sober and she wouldn’t actually sleep with me if she was. I’m not even asking that honestly. “I just want to spend some more time with you. I’m not expecting anything from it.” Hopefully, that will ease her worries. When she doesn’t answer relatively quickly, I take that as a no. “Okay, no problem. I do need to get going, though, because I haven’t packed yet, and I don’t want to wait until morning.”
Elizabeth stands with a nod, but avoids looking at me. I swear it’s like one step forward and a million back with this girl. I kiss her cheek, feel bad that I’m leaving her with a messy kitchen, but I’ve already said I’m leaving, so that’s what I’m going to do. When I get into the truck, I turn it on and crank up the heat. It’s fucking cold.
I finally check my phone against my better judgment. Dad usually doesn’t bother me as much as he has lately. I wonder if something’s happened.
“Wait!”
I look up to see Elizabeth running toward the truck. I roll the window down, cursing under my breath at being assaulted by the cold air just as I was about to be toasty. Elizabeth steps onto the running board and grabs the door where the window just disappeared. She leans into the truck and kisses me. Her lips press hard to my mouth. Her tongue tangles with mine, and the smallest of moans leave her. That’s all I need. That’s all it takes to make me want to pull her through the window and have a repeat of Halloween.
Her semi-cold hands dive into my hair. Her grip is tight and I briefly wonder if it’s because she’s no longer holding on to anything. She stops kissing me, but her mouth is still against mine. When I open my eyes, hers are still closed.
“You caught me off guard,” she whispers. Then, I get to see those hazel eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, or what I even want to be doing.”
“Do you want to talk about this now? Like this?”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Are you trying to get me to come back to your place again?”
“Yes.”
She laughs. “At least you’re honest.”
“Come on. You can talk while I pack. You don’t have to stay; I can bring you home afterward, if you want.”
Elizabeth sighs. “Give me ten minutes and then I’ll follow you.”
I turn off the truck and go inside with her. I tidy up the kitchen and make sure the cakes are put away while she packs an overnight bag. Soon, we’re on the road to my house. I rent a house in a subdivision not too far away from where she lives. Elizabeth is subtle as she checks out my home. It’s very plain with only items I deem necessary. With the life I live, moving often is a possibility. On top of that, it’s only me. Less is more, right?
Elizabeth follows me into my bedroom and sits on the very edge of the bed with her bag at her feet. I go about my routine of beginning to pack. After a minute or two and Elizabeth still hasn’t said anything, I decide to prompt her.
“So, you don’t know what you want to be doing?”
“Yeah. I never thought about dating before Sylvia started annoying me about it. It’s like...” Her voice trails off. “Once I felt like I could move forward in general, I quickly realized I didn’t know how. I feel stuck. Living like I have has been easy because I haven’t really had to let him go. I’ve grieved him, but the next stage has been elusive. Like, I honestly don’t even know why you’re still around considering how much I’ve talked about him, but I don’t know how to let him go. I don’t know if I want to lose him that much more. I don’t know if I want to date if that’s what it means.”
Her voice tightens. “There’s so much pain involved in that time for me. It was life-changing. What I’ve done so far is as much as I can to move on. And then, there’s you. I don’t know how you fit into whatever the hell my life is now.”
I zip my bag up and place it on the floor before coming to sit net to her. “Do you know what I think?”
“That I really am certifiable?”
I laugh. “I think you should stop thinking about it so much.” Her mouth opens to argue with me, but I cup her face. “I’m serious. You’re thinking about this more than I am. You’re being bothered by things that don’t bother me at all. You’re thinking about things that I’m not thinking about.”
“Not at all?”
I shake my head. At this point, it doesn’t bother me that she talks about Roger, especially since I know she hasn’t spoken about him with her family. I think a large reason why is because I keep hearing in my head how she said if I wanted to know her, I had to know him. He’s obviously a huge part of her life, even now, and I’m not going to dictate how she’s choosing to handle it.