“Then don’t worry about it. I’m a hockey player; I’m tough. I can handle whatever you throw at me.”
That makes her smile, even though she keeps her head down to avoid looking at me. My own smile disappears when she lifts her head and says, “Okay, your turn. What can you tell me about your dad?”
Fuck. Just sock me in my jaw right to start with why doesn’t she. Now I’m the one poking at my food, stirring it around. “You don’t have to say anything, okay?” I start. Elizabeth nods. “What I’m going to say isn’t the full story, but it’s still for your ears only. Noah doesn’t even know. I meant it when I said it was a need-to-know basis and the only reason I’m telling you is because you’re right. I should let you in, too, and I haven’t really been doing that like you have.”
I take a deep breath and focus on my food again. “My mom died hours after she gave birth to me, so I never knew her. My dad and I used to be okay. At least, I thought so. But then I’d see other kids and their dads and realize someone’s relationship had to be abnormal. It didn’t take long to realize it was mine. We haven’t gotten along in forever. We have our issues on top of his issues, and fuck, Elizabeth, I don’t want to get into this.” I drop my fork with a sigh and slouch in my seat.
“My life was far from good growing up. But, then, in some ways, it was great. You think you’re complicated?” I scoff. “My relationship with my father is complicated. If I could never see or speak to him again, part of me would take that chance in a heartbeat. But then I’d probably feel guilty and wouldn’t be able to do it.” With a deep breath, I turn to face her and find confusion written all over her face. I thought I knew what to tell her, but now, I don’t. It all sounds terrible, and I don’t want to tell her any of it. So much weight already rests on her shoulders and I don’t want to add to that. “I know I’m not giving you much, Elizabeth, but that’s all I have right now.”
“It’s more than enough,” she says quietly. It doesn’t feel like it is, though. She leans over to hug me. “His name is Francis, isn’t it?”
My arms tighten around her and I pull her over into my lap. “Yeah.”
She rests her forehead against mine. It’s tempting to close my eyes to avoid those probing hazel ones, but I don’t. “He’s the one who kept calling you?”
“Yeah.”
“You never answer?”
“Try not to.”
As if summoned, my phone starts vibrating in my back pocket. I pull it out, ignore the call, and switch it to silent, tossing it on the counter. Elizabeth watches it light up with call after call until I turn it over.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. What do you want to do for the rest of the night?”
Elizabeth suddenly looks nervous.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You make me brave, too,” she whispers. She gulps and takes a deep breath. “Eventually, I think that maybe I want to go to a game. Maybe.”
“Elizabeth,” I start, but she speaks over me.
“No, listen to me. I want to try. And what if there’s a big game and you’d like me to be there every now and then? Or what if one day, Stella wants me to come to one of her games? She won’t understand if I say no. I’ve been listening and doing okay with that. I want you to help me with what I think is my next step.”
Knowing that she isn’t doing this for me makes it easier to support her somehow. “What do you want to do?
Her hands begin to tremble before she’s even uttered a word. “Is there a game on TV tonight? Can we try watching it on mute?”
“If that’s what you want.”
She nods and slides off my lap to stand. I take her hand, give it a sturdy squeeze, and mute the TV before changing the channel. We settle into the couch and she presses her face against my shoulder. Her breaths are hitting my skin hard and she hasn’t even seen anything yet. Maybe this was a bad idea. Her hand gets tighter and tighter in mine.
I release her hand. “Scoot over.” She moves all the way to the end of the couch while avoiding the TV. I stretch my legs out, wishing I had a big sectional that was long enough so my feet wouldn’t hang over the edge and onto the end table. I fix the throw pillow and once I’m comfortable, hold out my hand for Elizabeth to lie on her side between my legs and resting on my chest.
I cover her eyes with my hand and kiss the top of her head. “Just relax, okay?”
“I’m scared.”
“Why? I’m here to protect you and so far, you aren’t even seeing anything.”
“Well, move your hand.”
“No. We’re going to ease you into it.”
Her body instantly relaxes. She might have thrown herself to the wolves in this situation, but that’s obviously a bad idea and since I’m taking control, we aren’t doing it that way.
“Keep your eyes closed,” I order softly.