Us At First (Carolina Rebels 2.50)

“This is weird, Syd,” Logan says. “Y’all obviously like each other, but you can’t be together. He lives in another state. You lost your virginity to him. You’re with him without being with him. It’s almost like an open relationship.”

I frown. I do not like that comparison at all, and I hate that it seems to be the one that truly fits if you ignore that we’re supposed to be only friends. All I can do is wait until we’re older and hope things will change then.

Time passes slowly as I graduate high school, visit my mom one last time over the summer, and then I start college. My free time seems to evaporate compared to what I had in high school. Things between Sydney and me are the same as usual. She’ll be graduating high school in a few months. She wanted to check out colleges up here, namely my university, but both of her parents refuse to let her go out-of-state and pay the higher tuition fees. Since they are paying for her education, she doesn’t feel like she has much choice but to stay in North Carolina.

That plan for us to be together took all of two days to evaporate and be shut down. I was tempted to tell her to hell with her parents, but I don’t want her to have to get student loans either, so I was fucked on that front.

A year comes and goes without us being able to get together and see one another again. I was going to come see her this past Christmas, but I had to bail on her. Everything was all set and ready to go. The problem was she just started talking to a guy who really liked her, based on what she said. She sort of liked him too. If I were to go see her, I’d mess that up. Not to mention, I got my own girlfriend right around that time. So, I bailed.

I felt like a piece of shit, too. I’m more important to Sydney than that guy was and she’s more important to me than that girl, but we can’t be together, so it seemed like the right decision. Sydney was pissed. I didn’t even tell her that was why I wasn’t coming, only that I couldn’t come. She stopped talking to me for a week and a half.

That’s her thing. When she’s pissed, I get the silent treatment. She doesn’t give in until she’s ready, too. No matter what I text her. Same thing happened when I mentioned how I was offered to partake in a threesome, something Sydney absolutely did not like hearing about. She ignored my texts for three weeks. Do I want to be with her? Yes. Is it going to happen anytime soon? No. So, why should she or I be miserable in the meantime?

I mean, right now she’s dating some asshole from her high school. They’re supposed to go to prom this weekend. She looks fucking amazing in her dress; she sent pictures when she was trying on a bunch and I picked it out. Sydney actually hasn’t talked too much about prom. She still doesn’t feel right talking about her dumbass boyfriend with me. I get that, and I’m glad because it means she still really likes me, but I also wish she didn’t care so much because I don’t let that get in the way of me having fun while I’m here. I still tell her everything, too, whether she wants to hear about it or not.

I’m in my dorm, making out with my new girlfriend, Stacy, when my phone rings. Stacy is so new of a girlfriend that Sydney doesn’t know about her yet. I’m not sure it’ll last and she might be more of a fuck buddy, but she’s calling me her boyfriend, and I’m rolling with it.

The ringing comes again. There is only one person whose ringtone is blaring and on the verge of annoying, so I’m sure to hear it and not miss the call.

Sydney.

“Hold your thought.” I push Stacy to the side and sit up, answering with a, “Hey. How are you?”

There’s no response at first. I hear sniffling, which makes me stand and head for the hallway for some distance from Stacy, and then, I hear her crying.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I ask the moment I’m in the hallway.

“I can’t go to prom.”

“What? Why?”

“He broke up with me today. I don’t have a date, and even if I did, I can’t go. He humiliated me, Ian. In front of everyone. Oh god, it was so bad.” Her cries get the best of her.

“What did he do?”

“He broke up with me in front of everybody.”

“That’s not so bad,” I try to console her.

“And he added that it was because I was a stuck-up prude who wouldn’t have sex with him.”

What a motherfucker. Instead of saying that, I say, “Well, why haven’t you had sex with him?” Because I need to know it’s not because of me or us.

“You say that almost like it’s a given that I should!” she snaps.

I soften my voice, so she’ll believe me and talk to me. “That’s not how I mean it. Tell me why.”

“I haven’t...” Sydney huffs. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, and you made me feel comfortable and taken care of. Every time things start going in that direction with him, it’s like he’s the only one who matters and it’s all about doing it as fast as possible. So, I stop him and tell him I’m not ready. I can’t talk to him and tell him what’s wrong like I just told you, so...” Her voice trails off for a moment. “He still thinks I’m a virgin. I never said it, but that’s what he thinks. He thinks I’m a virgin who’s a tease and a stuck-up prude who won’t put out already.”

“Well, fuck him. Go anyway. You have to go. You need to wear that dress and show off.”

“I don’t think I can do it. Logan and Carey have already tried to tell me the same thing. They both have dates and they’ll end up hanging out with me if I go alone. That won’t be fun for anyone. I just can’t go after this. I barely wa

nt to finish out the school year. The only reason I’m doing that is because I have to.”

Man, I hate this for her. “I’m sorry, Sydney.”

“I should’ve gone last year instead of being an idiot and holding out for my senior prom. Can’t mark this milestone off.” She sounds so bummed.