“I don’t fucking care.”
We sit on opposite ends of the couch. I angle toward him and take a deep breath. Ian refuses to look at me. He stares at the movie still playing on the TV.
“It happened the last time we were together, when you came to see me before my graduation. When I first found out, I was terrified about what I was going to do. I didn’t know what you would say or how it would work out, but I knew that you had to know even though we weren’t talking anymore. I had deleted your number from my phone, so I didn’t have that. Dad got your dad’s number for me.” Ian tenses. “I called him and asked him if he would get you to call me. That it was important because I was pregnant. I told him that if you didn’t want anything to do with the baby, then that was okay, but I wanted you to know. I never heard from you. I called him two more times and the second time, he said he told you. But I hadn’t heard from you, so I took that to mean that you wanted nothing to do with her. He even apologized to me.”
Ian starts shaking his head. “He never told me.”
“I realized that when you came back and wanted to talk to me. I thought that maybe you wanted to be a part of her life, but when you never mentioned her and only wanted us to be friends again, I knew he didn’t tell you. Then we started sleeping together whenever you were in town and you seemed like the same Ian to me. You hadn’t changed and you were living in a different country. I knew I needed to tell you, but I never managed to say the words. It didn’t help that you were wanting more from me and I didn’t know if I could trust you.”
“That’s no reason to keep my daughter from me!” he explodes. “Does she even know about me?”
“Well, she’s two—almost three. It’s hard to tell her she has a father and her to really understand the concept.”
His shoulders slump and he nods. “What’s her name?”
“Savannah.”
“Pretty.”
“Thank you.”
He nods. “She’s why you always meet me at the hotel, isn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but I thought your father did and when you didn’t get in touch with me that you didn’t want anything to do with us.”
“You should know me better.” He finally looks at me.
“Well, I thought I knew your father enough that he would’ve told you I was pregnant, too. Why didn’t you tell me you became a pro player?”
“Fuck,” Ian curses. “My first season would’ve been when you called Dad to tell him. He probably thought I would fuck up my career.”
“Would you have?”
“No,” he immediately answers. “You could’ve come live with me; I’d just have to convince you to move to another country.” Ian sighs. “Fuck. Who would’ve wanted to move to another country alone with a new baby while her boyfriend would be working and traveling? Anyway, you never cared for sports and it’s just a job. It’s my dream job, yeah, but it’s just a job. I didn’t figure you’d care all that much.”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I care. That’s something huge that happened to you, Ian, and I missed it.” He’s living his dream and he didn’t think I would care? God, that hurts.
“Welcome to my life,” he mutters. He finds my gaze again. “Is she why you don’t want to be with me?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Does it matter? Can you honestly say that you still want a relationship with me now? I didn’t tell you that you have a daughter, Ian.”
/> He clenches his jaw. “No, I can’t say that because I’m too fucking pissed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want an answer.”
I sigh. He’s too stubborn for his own good. “You hurt me, Ian. You cheated on someone else with me. I told you that I loved you and you were adamant that you didn’t love me back. That fucking hurt! And for a long time, you hurt me worse by rejecting me and my child until I figured out that you didn’t even know. It wasn’t easy to be friends with you again and then to start sleeping with you somewhat regularly. I’m comfortable with what we were because I got to have you without worrying about getting hurt. Anything more is too risky.”
“And you hate risks,” he supplies. “You do know that our entire relationship as it is right now is because of risks, right? The risk of talking to a stranger in an airport. The risk of continuing to talk and getting to know one another. The risk that that person would change over time. The risk I took when I kissed you and you kissed me back. The risk we took to sleep together and to continue that every time I was in town. We’re built on risks, gorgeous, and you know what? They all turned out to be worth it.”
“But it’s not just about me anymore, Ian.”
“Yeah,” he says with a nod. “We have a daughter.”