He nods in understanding. Ian glances over his shoulder toward her room. “I don’t know how to be a father,” he says quietly.
“You’re in luck. I don’t know how to be a mother. I wing it.”
Ian laughs. “That shouldn’t comfort me, but it does.”
I smile and for a moment, it’s like we’re normal. Or, our version of it. It’s too much. He’s still pissed. I’m pissed, though his lies are nowhere near as bad as mine. Looking away, I take a deep breath. “You should go home. Absorb your new role in life. We’ll work something out for you to officially meet her.”
“Do you think she’ll like me?”
“Absolutely. I was going to tell you the next time I saw you, by the way.”
“It’s been almost two years since we started talking again, Sydney. Two years of you keeping it from me and not just my dad.” Ian shakes his head. “Pretty pissed at both of you.”
“I know.” Ian missed so much of Savannah’s life and part of that is my fault. “Stay right here.” I get up and go to my bedroom. A few moments later, I return with three photo albums. I set them in his lap. “You’ll see her grow up. There’s also her weight when she was born and that kind of thing.” I pause. “Her full name is Savannah Lynn Jarvis. I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with her, so I gave her my last name. Plus, without you there to sign the birth certificate, she got my last name anyway. We can get you added, I’m sure, if you want. I don’t know what we would have to do, but we could look into it.”
“Okay, thanks. I’m going to head home.”
Sydney and I met in an airport when I was seventeen and she was sixteen. I was flying home after visiting my mother and she was heading to her grandmother’s funeral. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. We talked every single day and she became my best friend. She flew up one Christmas under the guise of seeing her father, but really, she spent a lot of her time with me. That was also when we both had sex for the first time ever.
It took another year before I saw her again. By then, I was in college, but she was in her senior year of high school. She was dating some guy, who broke up with her right before prom. I drove twenty-one hours to surprise her and be her date. That was when I realized I loved her, but she would be staying in North Carolina for college and I didn’t want to be together just yet.
Our next meeting was the worst one. I was coming to her high school graduation, but never actually saw her graduate. We slept together the day I got there. Sydney told me she loved me and I lied and told her I didn’t love her back. I wanted to be in a place where we could actually be together. No more of this back-and-forth with traveling. Or at least where if I did have to travel, I wouldn’t have to find money to make the visit.
Things got even worse when I told her I had a girlfriend and it hit me that I just cheated on her with Sydney. That was the last straw for Sydney. She left, pissed off, and I knew that was the end, so I left. Two years went by. In that time, I got drafted, actually got my start in the league right away, and made my way back to her. We reconnected, started talking, eventually started having sex again, and then I was traded to Carolina.
And now, here we are.
I have a kid and Sydney still doesn’t want to be with me and hell, I’m so pissed at her, I don’t want to think about being with her.
The first thing I do Saturday morning is flip through the photo albums. The photos start covering Sydney’s pregnancy, the birth, and then Savannah as she grows up. The random thought I have is that it makes sense why she wanted to have sex in the dark. I felt the stretch marks, but they were on other places on her body, so I just assumed that she gained weight and then lost it. It never occurred to me that it was because she had a baby.
God, I missed so much with Savannah. How is it possible that I’m even a father? I’m only twenty-three. Kids haven’t even entered my thoughts yet. I take a deep breath and keep looking at the little girl growing before my eyes. This is overwhelming. I can’t imagine how Sydney’s done it alone. Well, she lives with Logan and Carey, so they probably helped her.
I should probably give her money to help, but how much? I don’t have a clue what to do. I don’t know how to get my name on a birth certificate. Hell, it bums me out that she doesn’t have my last name, but I don’t know how we could change that, if Sydney would even want to. She doesn’t want to be with me, so why would she want Savannah to have my last name? Not to mention, I haven’t been in Savannah’s life. That’s not my fault, but still.
The rage begins to build again. Just because I haven’t thought about kids doesn’t mean that mine should be kept from me. Sydney did the right thing, at first, but not when we reconnected. Then, there’s Dad. I grab my phone and call him.
“Hey, son,” he answers.
“Why?” That’s it. That’s all I say.
He’s quiet for a moment. “She finally told you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me!” I shout.
He sighs and that pisses me off
even more. “I was going to, but you had just been drafted and it looked like you were actually going to start right away. I didn’t want you distracted.”
“That’s bullshit! You can’t throw away a responsibility like that. You taught me that. What the fucking hell, Dad?”
“You were in another country—”
“And I could’ve known my kid! Sydney might not have moved there and I wouldn’t have given up my career, but I would’ve known I had a kid and I could’ve seen her every chance I had.”
There’s a silence and he says, “It’s a girl?”
“That’s none of your fucking business. You didn’t want me to know about my kid, so you don’t get to know about your grandchild.” I hang up before I can think about whether that’s the right thing to do or not. My phone rings and thinking it’s him, I answer, “What the fuck do you want?”