Whatever It Takes (Bold As Love 3)

“Hey Sweetness.”

Exhausted, I tell Jake to take me home. Once there, he sits on the couch and I make my way over to him.

I toss off my shoes and sit on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. There is no better way to do this than to just jump into it. I rest my forehead against Jake’s and close my eyes.

“There is something I have to tell you,” I slur.

Jake’s hands rest on my hips. “What is it Sweetness?”

“Earlier at the coffee shop, I was talking with Kyle about what his mother went through. Kyle’s parents lost a baby too. But, there is more that I haven’t told you.”

I take a deep breath and look into those green eyes I love so much. Tears splash onto Jake's t-shirt. Those grass green eyes are full of love and concern. I’m tired of seeing that concern in his eyes every time we talk. It was only going to be there longer if I tell him what has been happening. But with alcohol swishing around in

my body, I'm in a talking mood.

“Tell me what it is Sweetness.”

“Last night, when you heard me scream, it was because I was having a nightmare.” I struggle with my words, but I push forward. Goodness, I do not want to speak these words. My throat feels closed as the tears continue to fall down my cheeks.

“I keep having nightmares about the baby. Either someone takes him from me or he’s already dead in my arms. Last night,” I choke on my words. “Last night was different.”

I explain my dream to him and my conversation with Kyle. I see the horror pass through his eyes. We sit there in a stony silence before I speak again.

“You don’t blame me, do you Jake? Even just a little bit? It’s okay if you do. I just need to know if there is a part of you that blames me for the loss of our precious baby.”

Jake gulps and his thumbs wipe away my tears. His eyes are watery, but not a tear falls. He brings my head closer to his and kisses my forehead.

“Sweetness, I don’t blame you at all. There is nothing for me to blame on you. I’m so sorry. I’m not sure if I know how to help you, but I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do. Do you think you should see a therapist too?”

I shake my head. “I want to handle this on my own. Well, can talk with you but no therapists. I felt terrible for having to ask Kyle as it is. I don’t want to go ask a stranger for help. Jake, I didn’t even want to tell you. I know you worry about me and I didn’t want you to worry more.”

Jake interrupts, “I do worry about you. I was scared to death that this was going to consume you and that you were going to return to the Emily I first knew.”

“Was going to?” I ask searching his eyes.

“Yes. Was. You coming to talk to me, even if you didn’t really want to, shows me that you aren’t going to withdraw. It shows me that you are going to let me help you.”

“I’m tired of talking. Can we go to bed now?”

Jake holds on to me as he stands up to carry me to our bedroom. I undress and ask if he has heard from Drake today.

“Yeah, he called me after practice. Why?”

“He didn’t call me. I’ll just call him tomorrow.”

I throw the covers back and climb into bed with one of Jake’s shirts on. I pull the covers up to my neck and face Jake who is wearing pajama pants. I run my hands over his chest and tell him that I love him.

“I love you too Sweetness. Thank you for sharing with me.”

“Welcome.” I give him a sweet kiss and rest my head on his chest. Jake begins to play in with my hair.

“Promise me that you’ll wake me up if you have a nightmare.”

“Jake, you need your sleep,” I protest.

“So do you Sweetness. Now promise me.”

“I promise.”