One more time can’t hurt, right?
***
I watch Brayden storm off with a smile on my face. I was seeing him pretty regularly for a little while and then poof! Nothing from him. I won’t lie; I was pretty bummed about it. Things with him are so...explosive. It’s addicting and I didn’t want it to end. Who would? I almost wish I hadn’t promised myself to Zane tonight. He’s back from his trip and wants to see me.
How odd that I find myself in such a situation where I’m seeing two men, both are physically fit, but Zane is that way because he’s a professional hockey player. Brayden must work out because he’s only a financial analyst. Zane has asked me to come to a game before, but I’m too busy for that. Besides, I’m more of a college football fan if I do watch sports.
“He didn’t look too happy with you,” my best friend and co-worker, Rose, says when I come to stand behind the counter.
“He’s happy with me.”
She snorts, clearly not believing me. “Is that your latest conquest?”
I shrug. “I’m seeing him tomorrow.”
Rose shakes her head. “When will you settle down?”
“When it doesn’t feel like I’m settling for the man.”
She sighs as she straightens the fabric on sale. “Deanna, I love you—”
“But?” I prompt.
“You’re so high maintenance with these ridiculous standards.”
I ignore her. I don’t have but one standard, really. Make me feel as if I can’t live without you. If I can do without, then it feels as if I’m settling for less than I deserve. If I don’t miss you, then I’m settling. If I can still sleep with other people and I want to sleep with other people, then I’m settling. I don’t want to settle. That’s all. What’s so crazy about that?
The day passes rather quickly as I help customers and teach a few classes. By the time my workday is over, I have enough time to grab a quick bite, shower, and drive to Zane’s house. He greets me at the door with a smile and a kiss.
“You cooked?” I ask when he leads me to the kitchen instead of the bedroom. Red flags pop up all over my mind. We normally kiss our way straight to his bedroom. He never cooks.
“I wanted to talk to you first,” he says, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
Oh, god. That can’t be good.
“I ate before I came.”
“Oh.”
Zane doesn’t seem to know what to do now that I’ve thwarted his plans. I step forward and run my hands over his chest. “Do we need to talk?”
“Do you ever change your mind?”
I frown in confusion. “Um, sometimes? Depends.”
He takes my hands in his, his thumbs moving over them in soothing motions. “What if I don’t want to be your fuck buddy anymore?”
“Then I don’t know why you called me over here because I could’ve been elsewhere.”
He flinches at that and I wish I wasn’t so forward. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“I’m confused.” What else could he have meant? We’re either fuck buddies or we’re nothing.
Zane huffs and shakes his head, releasing my hands. “Never mind.” He turns away from me to open the fridge. “You should go.”
With him studiously avoiding me, I quietly walk out of the house. I’ve never seen Zane in a weird mood before, but there’s a first for everything. I also try not to get close enough that I would know his moods. I wait until I’m sitting at a stop sign a few miles away before I text Brayden.
Me: My plans canceled on me.