Silence emits and a few seconds later, I hear Elias step back into his room. He doesn’t acknowledge me as he finds something to wear. I feel like I should say something to him, but I’m not sure what. Awkwardness settles into the air. It’s probably all one-sided, too. I don’t think Elias ever feels awkwardness.
“Do you want me to bring breakfast up to you?” he asks as he sits on the edge of the bed, now fully dressed and ready to face the day.
“No. I’ll wait until he’s ready to eat. Thank you, though.”
He nods. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” That might be one of the first times I’ve said that and meant it. All because Elias is right. We have thought about what Alice is worried about. I wouldn’t leave him hanging either. Although it’s odd to say, I’m okay with his mother being upset about this because it’s totally understandable and she’s on the same page as we are with the exception of being upset and wishing we wouldn’t see each other because of it.
Elias glances down at Jackson and pushes some of his hair away from his eyes. The action is so endearing and sweet, I nearly burst into tears. “Are you sure you want to stay in here all day?”
“I don’t want anyone else to get sick, and look at him. He’s sleeping on me. I can’t exactly get around like this.”
He smiles a little. “Good point. I’ll check in on you, but text me if you need anything.” He leans forward, kisses me softly, and then it’s only Jackson and me in the Christmas blanket fort.
A buzzing on the nightstand catches my attention about an hour later. It’s a task to lean over, push the blankets aside and grab it, all the while Jackson sleeps with deadweight on my chest. All for a text from Henry, asking what time we’re coming over. I might as well deal with that now.
I call him and he answers quickly.
“Do you want the bad news or the worst news?” I ask him.
“You’re not coming,” he states.
“Jackson is running a fever and his throat hurts, so no. We’re not coming.” He begins to curse, and I talk over him. “We’re spending the day in bed, but you are more than welcome to drive over here and see him.”
Henry is quiet for a moment. “Is that the bad or worst news? Is he okay? Do we need to take him to the doctor?”
“He’s asleep right now. I’ll take him to the doctor tomorrow. That was the bad news. The worst news is that he heard you call Elias a prick and me a liar. He doesn’t want to see you today. You really upset him, Henry. You made him cry.”
Henry sighs. “I didn’t even think about it.”
“Do you ever think?” I can’t help but to bite out. “You have to always think about how your choices, your words, and your actions will affect him.”
“I know; I didn’t think anything of it, I guess, because...” His voice trails off. “You know what it was like for me growing up.”
“Yes, I do,” I reply softly. “Don’t let history repeat itself with our son, Henry. You don’t have to turn into your parents. You can do better for Jackson. I need you to do better for Jackson.”
His voice is deeper, more tortured. “You’re right. God. I’m sorry. I’ll apologize to all of you when I come. I’ll do better. I promise. I don’t want Jackson to grow up and have nothing to do with me because of my actions.”
“I don’t want that either.” Despite my feelings toward Henry, I would love it if Jackson could have a happy and healthy relationship with his father like every child deserves.
Henry clears his throat. “Okay. I’ll stop by later. Oh, I called around and found a guy willing to look at your car yesterday.” My stomach is in knots by the time Henry finishes telling me about the problem with my transmission. “So, basically, it will cost more to fix it than what your car is worth. Do with that what you will.”
“Thanks for doing that for me.” Henry can be nice, even when he thinks I’m a liar.
“No problem. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
We hang up and my bladder demands I get out of bed. Jackson whines a little when I move him off of me, but he doesn’t wake up. Within five minutes of my return, he wakes up enough to crawl right back onto my chest. Poor baby. Is it terrible of me that I almost cherish this? He’s sick and he still wants me. What if when he gets older, he no longer wants the comfort of his momma when he gets sick? I cherish all the moments.
Henry texts me around one in the afternoon and the moment I hear the doorbell, I manage to get out of bed with Jackson in my arms. He’s been sleeping on and off all day. Right now? He’s asleep and nothing but deadweight in my arms. I don’t know if I can make it; he’s so heavy and my arms feel like they might yank out of their sockets at any moment, but I’ll try. I won’t drop my son, if only from sheer determination alone.
“Raelynn, what are you doing?” Elias asks, changing his route from walking toward the front door to jogging to me as he sees me walking down the stairs.
“Answering the door. It’s Henry.”
Elias takes Jackson from me. “I meant why are you carrying him down the stairs?” He glares at me. “What if you dropped him or if you both fell?”
“I was fine.” Dying from his weight, but I was managing.