The man is everywhere.
This phase won’t last long, but I prefer it to the next one. The next one is scarier. Waiting for it is torture. I still haven’t told Collin. He’s so happy and making progress both on and off the ice. Cal will kill me if I’m the one to ruin that.
Which brings me to something else I’ve contemplated: telling Cal. It’s crazy, I know. But some stupid part of me thinks if I tell him, he can help me keep the secret from Collin while figuring out what to do. Running didn’t help. The police can’t manage to catch him. At least those in Florida never could.
I’ve even thought that maybe I’m not meant to be happy. Otherwise, why would I have so much bad luck? What if I’ve done something at some point for me to deserve what Dwight wants from me?
“Jules.” A kiss lands on my temple and it’s followed by a sigh. “Talk to me,” Collin pleads. “Why aren’t you happy?”
“I’m happy,” I protest, but I can’t get the truth to convey fully in my voice.
He shakes his head. “Something has changed; you don’t act the same. Let me fix it.”
This is it. The perfect opportunity to tell him.
Cal bursts through the door. “We’re in!”
“What?” Collin asks, his mind still on me.
“Boston lost. We’re going to the playoffs.”
I’ve never understood exactly how a team gets into the playoffs when it comes down to the final hour, but apparently, the Carolina Rebels are going. I don’t even know how we got to April as fast as we did.
But I know I lost my perfect opportunity thanks to Cal.
Cal walks straight to the fridge and grabs three beers. He hands one to each of us. “Let the journey be tough but let us be tougher.” He clinks the neck of his beer against ours and takes a seat next to his brother. “What do you think our chances are?”
“Well, we’re the underdog and barely squeaked in,” Collin says, giving me an uneasy look. He much prefers we still be having a private conversation.
Cal rolls his eyes. “Have more faith.”
He’s talking to Collin, but I feel as if he’s talking to me. I need to have more faith. In myself, in Collin, in the police. The first thing I need to do is take my copy of police reports, the gifts Dwight has sent, and see what the police here may be able to do. And then, I need to tell Collin.
I rest my head on Collin’s shoulder while the twins talk. This entire situation is wearing me down.
“You okay, Julie?” Cal asks.
“That’s it! Even Cal can tell something is wrong,” Collin exclaims, his eyes wide with worry.
“I’m fine,” I reassure them both. “I’m tired is all.” I kiss Collin’s cheek and then stand. “I should get some rest. Good night, guys.” Before Collin can argue with me, I hurry to our bedroom. I’ve been so emotionally and mentally exhausted that I’ve had no trouble falling asleep lately. Today is no different.
Just when my life is getting back on track, something else is falling apart. Once I agreed with my sports psycho, it took one week before I was clea
red to practice again with the team. Granted, I have had to really analyze my relationship with my brother. They may have been right about a few things. I’m working on it. That and keeping my anxiety under control. The new meds are helping a lot, but I’m still having some day-to-day anxiety as well as some where hockey is concerned.
Playing in that game last night did wonders for my soul. I felt like myself for the first time in ages. It took until the third period to fully shake my nerves, but I don’t mind. Things will only continue to get better.
The next step is to become fully confident again and figure out what the hell is going on with my girlfriend. She’s been acting unusual for weeks now. What I don’t understand is why she isn’t confiding in me. We’ve always been able to talk to one another, but she’s holding back.
“She’s not talking to you?” Cal asks, reminding me that he’s still here.
“No. She says she’s fine, but…” my voice trails off.
“She’s lying,” Cal confirms.
I glance over at him. “You see it too?” When he nods, I frown. “I don’t know why she won’t talk to me.”
“Who knows when it comes to Julie.” Believe it or not, Cal has been a lot nicer toward Julie. They’ve reached a point where they can get along without snapping at one another. It’s made my life a lot easier and everyone a lot happier.