And I made her go.
I slip on my shoes, still in sweats and a T-shirt from earlier, and soon cross the hall to bang on my brother’s door. He needs to help me not lose my shit while I try to find Julie.
“What?” he answers with a snap a minute later.
“We need to find Julie.”
“Why?” he asks, a little more alert now.
“Get dressed and I’ll explain.”
And I do. Cal may not like Julie all that much, but no one can miss the concern on his face by the time I finish telling and showing him what I found.
“Did she say where she was going?”
“No. I figured we could check Brayden’s since she’s friends with Deanna before we start hunting down hotels.”
And that’s when my phone rings with a call from Deanna.
“Hey,” I answer. “Is Julie with you? Is she okay?”
“She’s not with you? She said she needed a place to crash because you two got into it over her secret, but she never showed.”
Oh fuck.
“What, Brayden?” There’s a pause and then, as if she’s scared to say the words, “Brayden says her car is parked in the driveway. Otis did bark a little bit ago; maybe that was her. But where is she?” I don’t get a chance to speak before Deanna says with fear, “Collin, I think something has happened to Julie. Brayden just found her purse on the front porch.”
“Call the police and tell them she’s been abducted; I’m on my way.” I hang up without another word.
“We’ll find her,” Cal says.
We better. Whatever happens to her will be my fault. I did the one thing I was never supposed to do: I didn’t take the time to get to the bottom of what was going on. Instead, I fucking asked her to leave. I’m the reason she’s in danger. What the fuck was wrong with me? For years, I’ve waited for Julie and this part of our life to begin, yet I didn’t even fight when she needed me the most. When I get her back, there is a ton of begging for forgiveness I have to do.
“It’s not your fault,” Cal says, reading my mind.
“All that matters is finding Julie.”
By the time we pull into Brayden’s driveway, police have already arrived. Talking to them and showing them what I found at home is excruciating. They eventually send us home, concluding that it is very likely Julie was indeed taken.
Sleep isn’t an option.
Focus isn’t one either, especially when I get an update that one reason why Dwight wasn’t in jail is because he’s successfully evaded the police in Florida for the past year. Hearing that doesn’t bring hope that Julie will be found in a timely manner either. If at all. But I can’t think like that because it’s not going to help anything.
I thought I felt helpless in the darkest moments of despair when dealing with the worst of my anxiety. That is a drop of water compared to the ocean of helplessness I feel right now. How could I do this to her? How could I do this to us? One decision and everything could be ruined. Julie might not even come back to me.
God, I can’t think like that. She will be fine. She will come home.
But the day passes with me sitting at home.
And the night passes without much sleep.
Then while my girlfriend is missing, I have to attend practice. This is the very last place I want to be. Cal was adamant that I tell the team what’s going on with Julie, but I’ve refused. Brayden knows and that’s good enough for me. If I can’t help Julie, then I need to do what I can to help my team. I don’t even know if I can play well enough to do such a thing, but I will definitely try.
Is Julie going to hate me for doing my job while she could be enduring hell?
“Collin.”
I look up to see an empty room, except for Brayden and me.