Always (Bold As Love 4)

“I miss you,” she whispers.

“I miss you too. I’ll be home before you know it.”

Daily, I’m thinkin’ about my Sweetness and how I wish to see her. Each night, the talk is pretty much the same. I miss you. I love you. How was your day? Each day, Eve gently reminds me of her advice. The worst part of this entire experience is that I'm actually considering it.

Three days before I’m due home, our nightly talk takes a curve. One that I’m not prepared for coming from Emily.

Sweetness sighs. “Jake, you being gone for two weeks is about to drive me to my wits end.”

“Same here, Sweetness,” I quickly input.

“Then how are we going to get used to not seein

g each other for weeks or even months at a time if you get drafted?”

I’m positive my silence doesn’t help much. If I get drafted, I would be traveling across the country playing with a rigorous schedule and Emily would be back home, unless she comes with me. Eve's words refresh in my mind once more, and I'm at a loss for words.

“I’m not asking you to choose, Jake. Please know that. I would just like to have this figured out before the time comes.”

I’m caught completely off guard by Sweetness' words. She doesn't expect me to ask her to come with me. My heart sinks a little, and I wonder if it's that she doesn't expect me to or if she already knows she would say no if I did ask, and that's why she's saying that I don't have to choose. It worries Sweetness when I don’t answer right away.

“Jake? Love?”

“I’m here. I have always seen you, me, and the NHL. We’ll talk when I get home. I’m sure everything will work out as it should.”

“And what if that doesn’t include us being together?”

“It will,” I answer firmly.

“I love you,” Emily says and relief is evident in her voice.

“I love you too, Sweetness,” I answer, feeling full of regret because it's like I just lied about our future.

7

Emily

With relief passing through, I quickly fall asleep. In the morning, Eve's words echo in my mind. Am I really a train wreck? Do I bring Jake down with me? What if the best thing for us to do is split up? I know that we are suppose to be thinking of all the good times during the rough patches, but what if that's not enough? It's unbearable with Jake being gone so long.

I'm not so sure that I can handle it for longer periods of time. I shouldn't worry about this until it happens, but I can't help it. Will I uproot and move with Jake if he gets drafted and plays with a team out of state? Will he want me to go with him? Maybe it would be best to have a clean break and start anew with someone who would be there for me every day with a normal schedule. Guilt rises within me as my thoughts turn to Conrad.

It's about eight when there's a knock on the door. Mr. Benson wants to drop Drake off. Of course, I don't mind. We are watching Phineas and Ferb when another knock resounds. I go to the door and open it. I see my mother and everything rushes back. The hatred in her voice as she told me that no one could possibly love me. The sneer on her face as I was raped. My body trembles at the onslaught of unwanted memories.

I'm brought to the present as she speaks.

“You haven't changed a bit, Emily.”

I don't give her the chance to say anything else. Terror courses through me as I shut the door and run to my room, locking myself inside. Seeing my mother causes everything in me to break down.

You'll never be good enough.

They are only sleeping with you because I told them too.

You're beyond ugly.

You're worthless. Did you really believe Conrad would stay with you? Any boyfriend you have in the future will only use you for sex.

You haven't changed a bit, Emily...