"Absolutely." I'd take her anywhere she wanted to go as long as it made her happy.
"Great," she enthusiastically says with a bright smile. In one motion, she lays down and pulls me on top of her, grabbing my shirt and tugging me down. One kiss, two, and I pull back to look at this marvelous person before me.
"Are we going to talk about your mom?"
"No, not yet. All I know is that right now, I have the urge to get out and about, explore, do something fun, and that's all I want to do. Let's leave tonight. We can camp out on the beach. Please, love?"
"I think we have an old tent at my house. Get packed and I'll come back to pick you up in an hour."
"Thank you."
By her tone, I can tell that she is being more sincere than ever. When I lean forward to give her a kiss, she stops me by placing her forefinger on my lips.
"Jake," she begins as she stares into my eyes, "promise we can forget today happened for a while?"
"I promise." Sweetness traces my lips with her finger for a fast second. Our faces are so close, just an inch apart. It's clear that this is eating her up inside. It's also obvious that she needs to let loose for a bit. Ever so slowly, Sweetness leans into me and gives me a kiss.
Before my eyes, in a blink, Emily has transitioned into a different person. One who is excited about spending the night on the beach with her boyfriend. Emily shoos me out of the room, so we can both get busy gathering what we'll need.
11
Emily
When the dull pain begins creeping through my skull, I attempt to push it away. This is something I need. It's important that I get out and simply enjoy life. A headache, no matter how painful, will not get in my way. Before Jake can get back and with too much time to overthink, I chicken out. I text him and tell him to just stay home. We aren't going. That as of right this second, we are on a break. That I need to think about my future and what I want before we settle into something even more serious. I'm on my way to Conrad's. I don't know why exactly, but something is pushing me there. Probably fear.
The only trace of my journey is a note for my dad that says I'm going out for a few days. Will I regret turning off my phone? Jake's already called five times. I know that doing this over a text is a coward's way out, but I really need this...I think. Lucky for me, Conrad is home alone when I arrive. He's standing there in all his glory and all I can think about is old times.
My arms wrap around him, and everything rushes out. About how I'm terrified of being alone if Jake makes it to the NHL. About how I miss old times. How I'm still affected by my mother and everything that's going on with her. And how I wish we could hang out more. Conrad ushers me inside and sits me down on the couch.
He pulls me against him and shushes me. Conrad says I can stay at his house however long I need. I let everything out about my fears and hopes. He listens carefully and provides advice. Oh, how I've missed this.
As always, Conrad is supportive. Maybe I can just stay here with him forever. He can be my never changing, always there rock. It scares me. I don't even feel guilt when Conrad tells Lily that something has come up, and he'll be unavailable for the time that I'm here with him. Three days have passed and it's late afternoon. Today is laundry day, and I laugh as Conrad appears in his boxers.
“I literally have nothing left to wear,” he says taking a seat next to me. There's a knock on the door, and I tell Conrad that I'll get it. I open the door and there stands Jake. My heart that was happy and worry free just moments ago has cracked, separating into two parts before further breaking down to tiny pieces. The moment my eyes saw his, I came out of the fantasy world I was living. Why did I do this to him?
12
Jake
Emily's mouth is hanging open, and she's dressed in only an oversize shirt of Conrad's. How could she do this to me? To think that I was coming to apologize for whatever I had done and here she is in his clothes. Conrad appears behind her, wearing only boxers.
“You know she's using you, don't you? She's too scared to face me, so she ran to you as a cover up. Have a happy fucking life together.”
I turn around and ignore Emily's pleas for me to wait. Swiftly, I slide into my car and leave. I drive and drive and drive. Finally, Emily is calling me, but I don't answer. I don't want to speak to her. My stomach churns as I hit the steering wheel at the thought that she has been with Conrad this whole time.
Why?
Why would she do this to me? To us? You know what, no matter how much I wish I could, I can't make her see that everything will work out between us. I can't make her see that I'm not going to abandon her. I can't make her let go of her past. She has to do that on her own, and until she realizes that she has to quit hiding behind others, she'll never change.
She can't say that she's scared about me making it in the NHL because I've told her that she can come with me. There's no reason why that should have any negative impact on her. Why can't she see that I wouldn't go anywhere without her? Up until now, that is. My heart is swallowed in flames at the thought that I can't help Emily and at how I may have just lost her forever.
All because she's stubborn and won't appreciate what she has while she has it.
Damn!
I'm so pissed right now. I just know that she's slept with Conrad. Yes, we are on a break, but damn. Maybe I should go out and fuck someone too. Make us even. But that wouldn't be right and as I've said before, there's no one whom I want more than I want Emily.
Giving up on her is going to be the hardest thing. That realization leaves nothing but burnt crisps of my heart. I've given up on my only true love.