Always (Bold As Love 4)

“When I found out about my mom's cancer, I was scared. More than scared. Terrified doesn't even state how scared I was. I was concerned about her life, our lives, and our future. I didn't know what life would be like without her. One night, mom was feeling really well and it was just the two of us watching TV. The words slipped out of my mouth before I gave it any thought. You know what she told me?”

Emily shakes her head, tears falling from her eyes because of my sadness.

“Mom, always knowing what to say, said, 'Son, I love you. As long as you remember that, there is nothing to be scared of. Love heals wounds and when you find that special someone, you may be scared. But being scared means that you feel so deeply about someone that you wouldn't want anything to happen to them, your relationship, or their family. Being scared means you care. It's okay to be scared. Talk to someone about it. Never keep it bottled up because things will get worse instead of better.'”

Telling Emily what my mom said causes her to spew everything at once.

“Dad doesn't want us to get married. You want to get married soon so you can call me your wife. I feel like I'm being pulled in twenty different directions. I have so many questions about everything and no answers. You are supposed to be my stability, love, but everything seems to be spiraling more and more out of control.”

“Okay,” I say, moving aside. “Lay down.” I wait until she has before I continue. “Close your eyes. Take a couple of deep breaths as you count to ten. Clear your mind. Don't think about what your father wants. Don't think about what I want. Think solely about what you want.”

I give her time to do so and turn on my side to watch her. An eye peeks out and she asks, “How can I think about what I want without thinking about what you want? Sometimes, I want something because I know it will make you happy.”

“Think only about you. Be entirely selfish right now.”

“Okay,” she says, closing her eyes again.

“What do you want regarding our engagement?”

It's a moment before she answers, “I want to be your wife. I don't care when or how, just that it happens. But if that means my father won't be there or doesn't approve, I'll wait as long as he wants.”

“Anything else?

” I encourage.

“If you want...” she begins.

I quickly cut her off by saying, “Nope. Only what you want.”

“Jake, this is unrealistic. You said our engagement. That requires input from two people.”

“I want whatever you want.”

I can't help but smile at the be-serious look Emily gives me. She rolls away from me with a sigh. Her hands are together, resting underneath her cheek and her back rigid and straight. If I had to take a guess, I would say that she didn't like my answer. Which is ridiculous. Isn't that what girls love to hear?

Oh, right.

Emily is just like most people. Unique. I shouldn't gather her together into a group of other girls. That's unfair. Especially since she is more amazing than any person, boy or girl, I know.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper as I pull her against my chest, feeling her relax into me.

“I don't want to talk anymore,” she says in a quiet, upset tone.

“Oh, no. I'm supposed to make you talk, remember?” Emily scoots away from my embrace, temporarily hurting my feelings. I bounce back like a ball against cement. “Sweetness, what's really bothering you?”

“I don't want to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because it's just me worrying when I shouldn't. It's me being scared when I should trust you with my heart.”

Going in a different direction than usual, I say softly, “Don't you think it's a little unfair for you to feel that way when I trust you not only with my life, but with Drake's? I trust you with everything that I am and you can't find it in yourself to trust me. Here, let me ask you a question. Do think I would catch you if you fall?”

“Yeah...” she trails, not knowing where I'm going with this.

“Do you think I would help you if you were hurt?”

“Yeah...”