Always (Bold As Love 4)

“Are you the oldest one here then?”

“Yeah.”

“Mind if I come in?”

“Um, sure,” I say as I lead the officer to the living room. He pulls at his pants legs before taking a seat on the couch with a sigh. Drake is standing beside the recliner that I'm currently sitting in.

“I need to speak with you alone,” the cop says as he looks pointedly at Drake.

“Sure. Drake, go upstairs and wake Emily up. I'll call you down when our guest leaves and when breakfast is ready.”

Drake obediently does so.

“Son,” the officer begins grimly, my stomach immediately tying into knots, “I have some bad news for you. We received a call this morning that reported a car crash on East Center. It was your father. We transported him to the hospital, but he was already gone. I'm sorry for your loss.”

My mind revs into overdrive as the officer explains that alcohol could be to blame and that the Department of Social Services would be by later today to discuss options for Drake. How am I going to explain to Drake that not only is Mom dead, but Dad is too? What am I going to do now? Every plan that I have for my future rushes in my head, and I'm overwhelmed.

In autopilot mode, I see the officer out and when I turn around, Emily is standing in front of me. By the sad look in her eyes, I can tell that she heard everything. My arms wrap around her and this time, it is me who buries my face in her neck, tears dripping from my eyes slowly. At this point, I don't even feel like thinking. It's too much to take in at once.

“Everything will be okay. We'll figure this out together. I'm so sorry.”

But I don't want her pity, her sorrow, or her condolences. My sadness and feeling of being overwhelmed end abruptly by turning to rage. I can't believe my father would do this. The end of a liquor bottle was more important than his family. Family is something I cherish so much and apparently, that didn't mean shit to him. He can say that he drank because of me, but really it was because he couldn't handle his own feelings. Now, I'm stuck being in charge once again to provide for my family.

I don't want to let go of Emily nor direct my anger at her, so I hold her close and punch the wall behind her. The action is swift and causes Emily to jump.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper into her hair.

“What's going on? Why did you hit the wall?” Drake's voice, full of that sickening, scared little kid's voice, breaks my heart. I walk over to him, take his hand, and walk him to the couch where we take a seat.

“Drake, I have some bad news. Dad was in a car accident.”

“Is he okay? Is that why you are sad? He'll be okay, right, Jake? Dad has to be okay. He has to be okay. He's okay, right?”

Tears brim edge of his eyes, just waiting for me to push them over the cliff. “He's not okay. Buddy, he didn't make it.”

Drake gets up and runs upstairs. Seconds later, we hear a door slam shut. Emily comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my neck.

“I'll go talk to him,” she whispers as if the air around us is so fragile that any louder, she would break everything to pieces. I want to tell her no. I want her to stay here with me, but my brother needs her too. Sweetness kisses my cheek and soon, the heat of her arms escapes me.

Collapse.

There is no other word that describes my actions than collapse. My wall of inner strength tumbles to the ground, leaving my wounds open for the world to worsen. Every time I turn around, something new has occurred to stab me, trying its damnest to puncture my happiness. I'm barely hanging on. Life keeps throwing stones and there's only so much damage that my body can take. There's no doubt that Emily and I have dodged a few pretty big bullets, but this is a thick bullet that pierces my heart, taking chunks of it as it passes through.

What am I going to do now?

25

Emily

Drake is lying face down on his bed, crying his poor little eyes out. He sits up and hugs me as soon as I sit on the edge of the bed.

“I don't want Dad to be dead,” he whines into my shirt.

“Me either, buddy, but everything will be okay.”

“No, it won't.”

I just hold this scared kid in my arms. It's Drake's next words that catch me completely off guard.