“I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier on the phone.”
I thought she would go into more detail, but she doesn't. “It's fine. C'mon, let's go sit on the porch.”
Her arms fall and I take her hand, leading her back to my house. I sit on the
top step and Emily takes the place on the one below in between my legs. She leans back against my chest and I clasp my hands together in front of her, with my arms resting on my knees. Her body is hot and slightly damp.
“How long have you been running?”
“About an hour, I think. I was heading home.”
“Oh. Do you want to go then? If all your worries are gone for the night and you're tired, you could just go on home.”
“No, I'm fine.”
I smile knowing that's she's choosing to stay here with me.
“What were you doing out here?” she asks.
“I was thinking about my mom.”
“You miss her.”
“Every day.”
Silent evades our surroundings.
“You make it hard.”
“What?” I ask.
“I want to be at home in my own bed. But sitting here with you, I don't want to leave. I miss it, you know.”
“I know.”
“But do you really? You are always right where you want to be. You always have what you want with you. You always do what you want. When do you have a chance to miss something?”
I am taken aback even though there is no vengeance in her voice. What is she talking about? “Are you not happy?”
“No, I am, I just...”
“What's going on, Sweetness?” I say in my gentlest voice.
“Nothing. I'm going to head home. I'll see you later.”
She breaks apart my hands and stands up. Quickly, she puts her ear buds back in and takes off running. Not a kiss or an I love you. What is going through her mind? More importantly, what is she talking about?
Her words replay easily in my head. The way she sees it, I always get what I want, I always go where I want to go, and I always have what I want. The more I think about it, the more she's right. Is she resenting us? Is that what this is about? Does she wish things were different? That she wasn't moving around with me and now Drake? Is she wishing that things weren't always going to revolve around my dream, putting her and her dreams on the back burner?
That's not the case, though. She's even more important than those things. I don't really understand what I'm supposed to do. Last time we talked, she wanted me to do whatever I needed to do to make it in the NHL. I'm doing just that. What more does she want?
If I thought I couldn't sleep before, I definitely won't sleep now. I want nothing more than to run after her and talk this out, but I can't leave Drake, and I'm not going to wake up him. It'll just have to wait until morning.
I've been staring at the ceiling all night. There's absolutely nothing interesting on my ceiling. I've scanned the surface and haven't found anything to hold my attention for more than a second. There's a creak from the other side my door and I know that it's Drake. My door opens seconds later and Drake peeks in.
“You're up?”
“Yep. Hungry?”