“How has college life been? You are in college, right?”
I return my attention to Mike. “Yes sir. It has been hard work with a lot of fun mixed in of course,” I say with a smile.
Mike laughs, “I remember when I was in college…”
“Dad, no one likes to hear the stories of you partying in college,” says a voice that I have longed to hear for two years. I stand and turn to look at Emily, drinking in the sight of her.
She is wearing jeans that flatter her legs and a green long sleeved shirt. “Hey Emily.”
She gives a timid smile that she used to give me all the time and says, “Hello Conrad. Are you ready?” Straight to business like always. I nod and walk over to her, holding out my elbow for her to place her hand in. After hesitating for a moment her hand slides into place.
“See you later, Mr. Johnson,” I call over my shoulder.
“Have fun,” he returns. I open the door to my truck for Emily and close it behind her once she is safely inside. I walk around the front of the truck to my side and crank it. We back out and head to the one place I hope will make Emily remember us and our love. “Where are we going,” Emily asks once I’m on the highway.
“To our place,” I say, glancing at her. The edge of her lips lift in a smile as she looks out the window. That small gesture gives me hope. “I’ll explain everything once we get there,” I add. She nods and we are quiet on the thirty minute drive.
I find the old dirt road, leading to my uncle’s land easily. The driveway is surrounded by forest on both sides. I reach the end about two miles later, where a clearing awaits and park my truck under the lone tree near the pond. The picnic table is waiting just where we left it and Emily is out of the truck before I can get around to her.
She walks over to the wooden table, looking completely mesmerized. Her fingers glide over the many carvings we made that are slightly worn from the weather. I stand and watch her as her fingers go over each and every mark in the table. When she finishes, she takes a seat on one side and I sit across from her. She takes a deep breath and locks eyes with me. Her brown eyes have a flint of gold in them that I always lost myself in. “So, the first thing I would like to know is how you found me?”
“When I first came looking for you, I went to where you used to live with your mom.” She slightly winces at that last word. “No one was in the house and I found Stacey, who told me you moved in with your dad. Here I am.”
“Why are you here?” Emily’s eyes examine my face carefully trying to see the reason there.
I take a deep breath and tell her the partial truth. “I wanted to explain myself.” At that, Emily stands up and begins to pace back and forth in front of the bench she was sitting on.
“Explain yourself?” she asks incredulously. “You drop me out of the blue like I’m trash you don’t want anymore and two years later, you want to explain yourself? Who do you think you are that you think you can just walk into my life after no word from you for two years? Not a phone call, an email, a text message, a letter. Nothing! And now, you want to cle
ar your conscious and tell me why you shattered my heart? You don’t even know what I’ve been through since you left me,” she ends her voice trembling slightly. She runs a hand through her hair and keeps pacing.
“Tell me,” I quietly demand.
She looks at me for a second and sits back down. “My mom was verbally abusing me for a month before you…left. After you did, I was devastated and soon I believed every word she told me. I was worthless, selfish, horrible, and completely worthy of hate and disgust. I was ugly and I never did anything right.
“I thought she had to be at least partly true, since you just left. She would even use that as ammunition. Slowly, I stopped going to see my dad because my mom told me I couldn’t see him and he definitely didn’t want to see me. I withdrew into myself and hardly ever spoke. If I did, I would speak softly. She would pimp me out to her many boyfriends. One day, my dad stopped by to surprise me and saw what she had been doing to me.
“I eventually moved in with him and started anew at Jake’s school. I lost all my friends and didn’t attempt to make any again. In late August, my life changed. Jake was assigned to partner with me for a project in English. I hoped he would let me do all the work and that he would leave me alone.
“He didn’t. He made me talk to him and work with him. He came over to my house to finish the project and brought his little brother Drake with him. Around this innocent little kid, I felt safe and began to break out of the shell my mother put me in. Drake had taken with me and wanted to hang out with me. I begin to watch him after school while Jake practiced.
“Soon enough, Jake was hanging out with us. He brought me back to who I used to be, who you remember me to be, and who I am today. After a late night run and a kiss, we’ve been together ever since. Slowly, he would try and get me to make eye contact and speak in a normal tone.
“Then in September, my mom started calling me. After the first time, I let my dad talk to her. Ever since, Jake has been by my side and I’ve recovered extremely well from it all.”
I sit in shock as I imagine how hard it must have been for her to go through all of that and to think that I wasn’t there when she needed me the most tore at my heart. I found little relief in the fact that Jake was there for her. I reach out a hand and place it over one of Emily’s. “I’m so sorry Emily. If I had of known,” I start but Emily cuts me off.
“You didn’t and it’s not your fault. Now, tell me whatever it is you came to tell me.” She removes her hand from mine and places both in her lap. I gulp and retreat my hand. With a deep breath, I recount my story.
“First, I just want you to know that I loved you so much and it broke my heart to walk away from you, but I had to do it Emily. Do you remember my previous girlfriend, Melanie? And how soon after we broke up, she moved away?” She nods. “Well, that night after I dropped you off from our date, she showed up at my house…with a baby. She…she told me that the baby was mine.
“Her parents took her away for the pregnancy and since they didn’t like me anyway, they didn’t want Mel to tell me about it. After the baby was born though, she realized she wanted me to be a part of the baby’s life and she knew I had a right to know.”
Tears stream down Emily’s face as she listens to me.
“I thought it would be best if I moved to where she and the baby was and go to the same college she did. I thought it would be best to try and work things out with her for the baby. For a while, it almost worked. But…” I stop, unsure if I should continue.
“But what,” Emily whispers, here eyes never wavering from mine.