“But I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I loved you, not Melanie. I love my baby boy, but things just weren’t the same with Mel. I didn’t think you would want to see me or talk to me, after I just left you and I didn’t think I should even try to find out. So I went to college and helped take care of my little boy.
“Then, I see a girl who looked similar to you and I knew that I would never be completely happy unless I came to see you. I had to tell you why and to tell you that I still love you, even if that love is not returned anymore.”
Emily closes her eyes and I want nothing more than to go and wipe away her tears. “I-I think I need to go home and think,” she finally says, opening her eyes. I nod and we head to the truck. When I pull up in her driveway, I stop her before she gets out. I find a piece of paper and pen and scribble my number on it. I hand it to her and say, “In case you want to get up with me.”
She takes it with a nod and goes inside. With a heavy heart, I return to the hotel.
Jake
I answer my phone when I see Emily’s name and I hear the sadness as she speaks. “Can I come over? Or you come here? I-I just need you.” Anger sparks at the thought that Conrad caused this. I knew she shouldn’t have listened to whatever it was he had to tell her.
“Of course, Sweetness. I’ll be right over.” I get off the phone and thank the heavens that Drake is still at his friends. I grab my keys and wallet off my nightstand and head over to Emily’s.
Mike is sitting in the recliner when I come in. “She’s in her room,” he comments with a thumb pointing down the hallway. I go down the hallway and see her lying in bed. I go to Emily and lay beside her, taking her in my arms. She buries her face in my chest. As I run soothing motions down her back, I am again amazed at the difference in Emily’s room from the first time I saw it.
Over Christmas break, we painted it a soft purple, added a TV, and Emily had dozens of pictures of us everywhere. “What happened,” I ask.
She doesn’t even look up at me. She talks into my chest. “He wanted to tell me why he left. He found out he had a baby boy. He left to try and make up with the mother and to take care of him. He said that he still loves me.”
My chest tightens at hearing how her once boyfriend, who she told me herself that she loved, has returned to reclaim his love for her. I pull her closer to me and kiss the top of her head. “He took me to the place where we would always go to hang out and told me. Can you believe his nerve? He just leaves out of the blue, shows up, and expects me to what? Take him back?”
I leaned back just a little to hook my finger under her chin so she would look at me. She gave me a loving, tender kiss. “I’m sorry,” Emily says.
“For what?”
“For being upset over this. I just never expected to see him again, much less hear that he has a kid and that he still loves me.”
I try to play the part of a loving boyfriend who is supportive, but will let her sort out her problems on her own. “What do you think about it?”
She hesitates for a fracture of a second and then says, “I’m not sure. I mean, I’m glad he stepped up to be a father and I’m sure he’s a great one.” She bites her lip, something I’ve learned that she does when she’s nervous or thinking. “But I don’t know what to do about him. I mean…”
She looks back at me and whispers, “There’s you.” A glimmer of hope flashes before me and I can’t help but grin a little. Emily playfully hits my arm and gives a small laugh before rolling away from me. “I should’ve known that’s what you would do. Give me that knowing grin that just screams that you are totally wonderful.”
I pull her back to me and give her a quick kiss. “Your words not mine, remember that.”
She wraps her arms around me and nuzzles into my neck. After a few minutes of silence, she finally speaks again. “There is you, Jake. I don’t know what to do about Conrad, because I’ve fallen in love with you. Only thing I know to do is tell him to go back home.” My heart swells and bursts at her comment. I pull her up to me and give her a hot kiss full of love and hope that she gets that message.
After a few minutes of long kissing, I pull away from her. “I love you too Emily.” She smiles and cuddles up to me. There. Now, I don’t have to worry about Conrad, because she loves me and I had no intentions of letting her get away. I held her in my arms until it was time to pick up Drake. I gave her a long kiss before I left.
Emily
It was a clear night outside with the stars covering the sky in billions of different places, twinkling to get our attention. I’m in Conrad’s arms, lying on the picnic table with a pillow and comfy blanket beneath us. We sit there in content silence just staring up at all the stars.
“Emily?”
I look up at Conrad. “I just wanted to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. There is nothing I rather do than have you in my arms and look at the night sky. I hope I never lose you, because I love you so much and my heart would blow up in billions of pieces if I lost you.”
“I love you too Conrad.” I lean up and give him a kiss.
That was the first time Conrad told me he loved me. I was so smitten with him and completely in love with him. I didn’t even hesitate as he moved the blanket and pillow onto the ground. I didn’t even stop him when he said he didn’t have a condom. I didn’t care. I loved him and I wanted him. It was me who mentioned it anyway.
That night, Conrad confessed his love to me and I lost my virginity. The next day, it hit me what we did and I got on birth control the next week. We always used a condom after that too. As I lay, staring up at my ceiling I think about my and Conrad’s relationship.
It was pure magical sometimes. I could get lost in his blue eyes, his touch, and his kisses. I think about all the times we had sex. After the first few times, there was a ton of pleasure and all I wanted to do was get him to his bed. It didn’t help that his parents weren’t home too much on the weekends, either. At first, I was horrified as I realized how much of a horny girl I was. Later, I reveled in it.
I think about the hurt I felt when he left. I see the light that is Jake as he brings me back to life. I bite my lip and wonder why exactly I have been hesitant to make love with Jake. I’ve wanted to, plenty of times. I always stop myself before it goes too far.
I’m still on birth control, so that’s not a concern. Did that have to do with Conrad? Or with my self-esteem from my mother? Was it because I love Jake with a greater love than Conrad so I was worried about losing him? These thoughts and questions keep me up half the night. I’m relieved to be able to sleep in since we don’t have school. I awake when I feel a soft kiss on my lips.