Back to Me (Carolina Rebels 1)

She looks up at me with a small smile. “As much as I can be while not knowing what my future looks like. I want to be able to go with the flow and forget about ever making a plan again, but I need it, Noah. I need a sense of direction, and right now, I don’t really have one.”

“We’ll figure it out,” I promise. She’s always had a plan, goals, and structure in her life. It’s how she became such a great tennis player. Meredith without a plan is like a fish out of the water. She needs it to function. I tug her closer to me and lean down to kiss her slowly, a privilege I’ve missed having. It’s a blessing to hear the small sigh she releases at the touch of our lips and to feel her relaxing into me.

The elevators ding open and we hear, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

I wince at the sound of Erica’s voice as I feel Meredith tense next to me. Sure enough, she’s standing outside of my apartment door. I made sure to move the spare key inside this morning before I left. It’ll be going to Meredith anyway. In a quiet voice, I tell Meredith as I hand her my key, “Go inside and wait for me.” To Erica, I say, “We can talk while I walk you to your car.”

She glares, but surprisingly follows me. “We broke up yesterday and you’re already kissing her? You don’t waste any time, do you, Noah? I should’ve run the moment I saw her name on your chest.”

“Why are you here?” I ask, ready to get to the point.

“I didn’t think you meant what you said yesterday. Now I can see what an ass you are and that I was wrong. I guess I should’ve known you’d leave the moment she came back into your life.” She shakes her head as the doors open to the parking garage. “I hope she doesn’t break your heart again, Noah. Maybe she’s only here because she’s currently out of options. Not only is she facing losing her career, but she would’ve married another man if he hadn’t left her. Remember that.”

I wish I could say that what Erica says doesn’t get to me, but it does. The fact that Meredith was engaged has bothered me from the moment I learned of it. I don’t want to question why she’s here as much as I want to question why she would’ve married him.

“Everything okay?” Meredith asks from where she sits on the couch when I walk into my apartment.

“Mostly.” I take a seat next to her. “Can I ask you something?” I definitely won’t be able to stop thinking about it now. She nods. “You said that you were planning to come back to me before you met him, and you’re here now because you want to be with me. Why were you going to marry him? Why did you say yes if you still had feelings for me?”

The fact that she has to think about it worries me to start with. “Well, I guess because I thought you would’ve moved on by now. I didn’t think I would have a chance, and there was this guy in front of me who was mostly good to me and he wanted to marry me. This is going to sound terrible, but I felt like he was my last option, and that if I left another man who wanted me, I wouldn’t be able to find another one to spend my life with.”

“So you were going to settle without even checking to see if I would want to get back together?”

She nods. “That’s one way to put it. I mean, I loved him, but it wasn’t like how it is with us. I thought it would be enough, but it obviously wasn’t.” She pauses and then adds, “Are we done talking about it now?”

“Yeah. Let’s come up with a plan for you. What are you thinking?”

Meredith angles toward me, throwing her legs onto my lap. “Well, I’ll need to find someone to continue my PT with. Maybe I’ll look up some ideas in case I go back to school.”

“Well, there’s your plan. You’ll start searching for what you want to go back to school for, live with me, and be with me while going to PT; I can recommend someone. We can reevaluate when we need to.”

“But what am I going to do in the meantime? I can’t spend all day here in your apartment; I’ll go crazy.”

“You’re going to have to figure something out or deal with it, Mere. You can’t start school when you don’t know what you want to do and with the semester having already started. Unless you want to get a job somewhere, then you’re free to do whatever you want.”

She frowns at my answer. Most people would enjoy having so much free time. She’s not happy one bit. “Okay. I’ll figure something out, then. I’m not sure I could handle a normal job, not to mention I technically only have a high school diploma. There won’t be a lot of options, none that I’ll want to do at least. Oh, do you want me to use your car or my own? I’m going to need more of my things, so I didn’t know if I needed to go home and pack myself, or get Mom to ship them to me.”

“Get your mom to do it.” I pull her into my lap. “I don’t want you going anywhere just yet.”

Something is different this morning. My eyes open, a smile immediately lifting my lips. “You’re here,” I say with a bit too much awe in my voice. The past few days, I’ve woken alone. Noah has left by the time I get out of bed. He always leaves a note and nothing more, except when he left the spare key to his apartment for me. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him here at least once until right now.

“Not for long, unfortunately. I have to go in for physicals and boring medical tests. Training camp officially starts today. What are you going to do without me?” The way he asks isn’t sarcastic, but more worried. “You haven’t left the apartment unless I’m with you.” Noah cups my cheek, his eyes crinkling with concern.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Explore. Go shopping. Learn your way around the city. Contact that physical therapist I told you about.”

None of that sounds like something I want to do, especially by myself, except the last one. “I was planning to look up majors today and call that woman, so maybe after that I will go explore or something.” Unlikely, but telling him will ease his mind.

“I’m worried about you, Mere. You’re doing the same thing here as you did at home, except you’re with me.”

I narrow my eyes at him. The only way he would know what I did at home is if he’s been talking to my mother again. “So, what? Are you and my mom having secret conversations about me? Are you planning some sort of intervention?” I roll away from him with the intention of getting out of bed.

He grabs my elbow. “Do not walk away from me.” There isn’t any anger in his voice, but he’s stern and there’s something else in his tone that I can’t put my finger on. I sit with my legs folded in front of me and cross my arms over my chest, causing him to release his hold. Noah sits up, hooks a finger under my chin, and forces me to look at him. He glances behind him and then says, “We’re worried about you, that’s all. I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” I argue, but there’s not an inch of fight in me, so I end up saying it quietly. I’m happy to be with Noah.

“Not completely. I have to get ready. I’ll probably be gone for most of the day. Please get out of the apartment and get an appointment scheduled, okay?”