Back to Me (Carolina Rebels 1)

It’s true. But what kind of person does that make me to let a man run me away from what I’ve worked for my entire life? I’ve been playing since I could walk. Every decision I made was for my career. How can I not try everything possible to get back to that place? On the other hand, doing just that is what caused me to walk away from Noah. It would be difficult for us to maintain a long-distance relationship, especially after all of our time apart already. Noah might not even want that. I’m not even sure if I’d want that.

Ugh. I hate thinking about my future. It reminds me that many aspects of my life are still up in the air. Things are better, but not quite right still. Plus, I don’t know what it is exactly, but something is off about this weekend. Whether it’s just me, Noah, or both of us, I’m not sure.

Relief fills me when I’m finally on the plane. It’s not a long flight, thankfully. I’m ready to see my parents and I’m grateful I’ll be spending the weekend with them instead of alone at Noah’s apartment. I guess it should be our apartment, but it’s really not. Noah refuses to accept money for rent because he “would be paying it anyway.” He manages to clean before I can get the chance to most of the time. I’ve bought groceries a few times, though. Maybe his place will feel more like home once my clothes are there. However, I’m not sure if there will be enough room in his closet and dresser. It’s even worse when he’s not home. I definitely feel like I need to be extra careful with his things. It’ll just take time, right?

My dad is supposed to be waiting at baggage claim for me. I laugh when I spot him holding a paper reading Ms. Quick. I rush over and throw my arms around him, missing him more than I’d realized. I wasn’t exactly social when I was home, too lost in my own head and too wrapped up in my PT sessions.

“Hey, Meredith. It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Dad. Thanks for the sign. I’m not sure how I would’ve found you otherwise.” I roll my eyes, causing him to laugh.

“You could’ve forgotten what I looked like, so I brought it just in case. How was your flight?”

“Boring. Why did Mom go to the doctor?” I ask as we begin to walk out of the airport.

“Just a checkup. Are you hungry? We can grab a bite to eat before I take you to your house.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

Once we get into his car, I text Noah of my arrival and Dad fills me in on their visit to see Ashley and her baby. It blows my mind that Noah and I were only together for two years while in high school, and in that time, our families became close. I even became best friends with his younger sister. When I walked away, I walked away from the entire family as well. It was also weird and a little painful to hear when Mom and Dad would get together with them. I haven’t seen them since I left him. I wonder if they are happy we’re back together. I file that question away for later to ask Noah.

“How’s that boy treating you?” Dad asks as we pull into my driveway.

“Good. Going to see him was probably the best decision I’ve made in a long time.”

He cuts the engine and we sit there for a moment. “Are you happy?”

“Happier than I have been.”

“Good. I bought some boxes for you.”

“Thanks.”

With that, we get out. Dad insists on getting the boxes from the trunk while I go unlock the door. This house doesn’t really feel like home. I’ve had it for a few years, but I rarely spent a lot of time here. It’s a bit too big with its four bedrooms and basement. I fell in love with it for some reason, though. Ironic that I pretty much walked away from it, too. Even after staying here for a solid six months, it doesn’t feel like home.

I’m ready to have a home. Maybe that’s yet another reason why I should retire. It’s been difficult for me to feel as if I have a home when I was away from it so much. Then again, not playing hasn’t made my house feel like a home. If it weren’t for keeping things from my parents, I would’ve moved back in with them in a heartbeat. Things could be different now that I’m living with Noah if I stay long enough.

But what if Noah’s apartment never gives me that feeling of relief and peacefulness when you walk into the door because you’re in the place you feel most comfortable? What if I’ve traveled so much, I never find that place?

“Here you go.”

I swivel at the sound of Dad’s voice. He sets the boxes down, leaning them against the wall of my bedroom.

“Are you okay? Something on your mind?”

“Not really.”

Dad watches me as I assemble one of the boxes and open my closet door. The first thing that catches my eye are the three jerseys. I might not have watched Noah or kept up with his career, but I always bought a jersey with his name on it. With everything going on, I wasn’t able to buy a Carolina Rebels jersey until this past week. I grab the jerseys and place them into the box. I definitely want to take those.

My phone dings and there’s a text from Noah, who probably just finished up at practice.

Noah: How’s packing?

Me: Just starting.

“Are you sure everything is okay with you and Noah?” Dad asks as I turn back to my closet.

“Do you think something is wrong?”